The Queasy Crow Flies at Midnight
by JuniperGray
Summary: A warrior girl, an abomination, and a glowing elf walk into a bar...
1. A Friendly Card Game

**Hi there! Welcome to my very first fiction! This is based around Hawke and her relationship with both Anders and Fenris. It follows the main plot points of DA2, but will create it's own scenes where necessary/wanted (e.g. Some of the game dialogue will match/quest outcomes will be the same, but some other aspects will be different). This is because my particular Hawke has her particular story, so things may differ or be included which are not evident in the game. I'm sure you get the gist by now, so I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>The Hanged Man at two hours past sunset every Friday night was tradition. No matter what was happening, bar a journey that took them out of Kirkwall, everyone turned up, played cards and drank their sorrows away. Hawke insisted it was to 'build strength', but most were suspicious it was just so she could beat them at cards and take their coin. There was nothing she loved more than good competition and the sound of coins slapping onto the table, even after coming back from the Deep Roads a rich woman.<p>

Varric set the long wooden table out for eight, sighing a little as he looked at the lone ninth chair in the corner. Hawke would darkly glance at the chair every time she walked in and always chose the seat around the table that faced it. She liked to torture herself by remembering Bethany was no longer there playing with them, like a kind of self-inflicted emotional blackmail. There was no helping her either; she was as stubborn as Merrill was innocent. Varric ordered a round for the empty table and sat at its head, waiting for the group to wander in and begin playing.

Aveline was first, as always, dead on time. She sat next to Varric complaining about a lack of discipline as the first few minutes ticked by. Sebastian came next, with Anders following a good distance behind him, then Merrill explaining how she took a wrong turn, then brooding Fenris and finally Hawke and Isabela chatting animatedly about a fight they had been in earlier in the day.

"Ha, those mercenaries were a joke. Honestly, they see two women and think they can stick one in us. Why do none of them notice the large weapons we just happen to walk around with?"

"Boobs, Hawke. Boobs. They see boobs, and all other features become a blur. They're boob-centric , but they realised quick enough once I sliced one of them through." Isabela said with a satisfied smirk, taking her place beside Aveline, as Hawke placed herself between Isabella and Fenris. Fenris and Hawke exchanged a quick look, Hawke's lips twitching into what could be called half a smile, before settling and turning to Varric.

"So are you all ready to get your asses kicked by yours truly?" Hawke held her chin high and pointed to herself while looking around the table.

"If by yours truly, you mean actually mean Varric Tethras, which in that case I'm sure you're all prepared to part with your coin tonight."

"HA, Varric, you're good but not that good, your wily dwarf ways won't be useful tonight. I have a master plan!"

"Is that right Rivani? Well we'll see how that goes. And remember that footsies under the table have been banned, so you can't use that anymore."

"Thank the Maker, I nearly had a heart attack last time."

"Sebastian, I told you I was aiming for Anders. I can't help if I got lost on my way over and accidently touched your Holy Parts. Though they weren't lacking that's for sure."

"Holy Parts? Are you talking about the funny little face he has on his belt? Anders said it was supposed to be Andraste, she looks rather cute on a belt doesn't she?"

"No, Merrill, she didn't mean his belt," Aveline sighed and patting her gently on the shoulder. "I'm sure Isabela will fill you in on the details, she's had enough experience in 'Holy Parts' to write a novel. If she knew how to write."

"Now that's not fair, you're right about the experience, but know how to do write good things, thank you," the table roared with laughter as Isabela cheekily winked at the Guard-Captain. "But seriously, now you mention it, a novel would be a brilliant idea. How about 'Getting Dirty in Darktown – The Tales of a Pirate Queen's Sexcapades'"

"Sounds completely revolting," Aveline said with a smile, while Sebastian nodded in agreement. She raised her handle. "A toast to Isabela, the Little Slattern That Could!"

"Hear hear!" Hawke cried, banging her jug on the table dramatically and promptly emptying it, "Let's play already! I am saving up for a new sword, so all your coin falling into my lap tonight will be rather well timed."

"50 silver each to start the game. Try and even the score for some of the poorer folks," Varric announced as he dealt the first hand and nodding pointedly at Anders

"Oh Varric, you know how to treat a good friend, it's much appreciated," Anders said overdramatically while raising his hands into a beggars hold. "I may be a poor man but I am a good man-"

"Oh here we go, another lecture on the Mages clinic," Fenris growled while taking a large gulp from his tankard.

"SOME of us tend to think of others Fenris. I do not judge you for being a self-centred, brooding, whiny little elf," Anders said calmly while placing a few coins into the centre of the table.

"Ooo this is going to be a good one!" Isabela laughed delightedly as the rest of the table carried on with their hand, placing coins or cards on the table. This happened at least once every card night until someone blew the whistle.

"I, on the other hand, find it rather easy to judge an abomination. One who fights for mage rights while being the very thing the Templars are trying to destroy."

"Ohhh, an abomination comment, very original Fenris. Will you compare me to a magister next? How about how I'm one step away from Blood Magic?"

"I don't need to mention the truth, Mage. Anyone with half a brain," Fenris glanced darkly at Merrill who was luckily peering into her drink, "Can see it is where mages are heading in general, let alone the Almighty King of Mages himself." Isabela watched the two parry with words in fascinated silence, while in boredom at the lack of action in the round Aveline and Varric started to discuss quietly the Cartas' increased influence in Darktown. Hawke just ignored them completely and struck up a conversation with Sebastian and Merrill about an upcoming task.

"How can you even say such generalisations? You _know_ good Mages who are neither Magisters nor Blood Mages – I'm not using Merrill here – and yet you lump us all in with the minority?" Anders voice began to rise.

"Since I joined this merry party I have seen nothing but corrupted, weak Mages trying to get a hold of the power they so desperately crave. So what mages are these?"

"Oh, I don't know," Anders said, dripping with sarcasm, "Perhaps Bethany?"

Suddenly the table went silent. Anders eyes widened as he realised what he just said. Hawke, who was in the middle of a discussion on group fighting techniques with Sebastian, looked down at the floor, gripping her tankard with white knuckles.

Varric cleared his throat, "Now, now boys, lets simmer down -"

"Bethany?" Fenris, so aggravated by Anders he had not noticed the tense atmosphere and Varric's interruption, "I thought you were trying to convince me of Mages who WEREN'T weak?"

Isabela was no longer smiling as she was before, she was looking toward Hawke with increasing anxiety as Hawke gripped her tankard so tightly the cheap metal began to compress under the strain.

Fenris, breathing heavily in anger finally looked around the table at the stunned silence and realised his mistake. He paled and dared not glance at Hawke, suddenly too close beside him.

"What did I say about talking about... About her?" She said in a quiet, strained voice.

Anders looked distressed, "I'm- I'm sorry Ophelia. It just popped out, I was getting riled up and I didn't realise..." He trailed off, looking at her face which had risen to meet his. She was a tough woman when she wanted to be (which was all the time). He had rarely seen her smile, yet her sharp wit was never too far away, and her armour plated body and massive one handed sword struck fear into all who crossed her path. Only on rare occasions had he seen her let down her guard and talk to him as what he imagined the young, carefree Ferelden girl used to be like before her family started falling apart. And even with the strong jaw and even stronger frown, her delicate face was beautiful. Anders often watched her as she barked orders with a fond half smile, wishing he could spend more time with someone so interesting. But what he saw in her face now was a mixture of despair and anger, her bright grey eyes welling with tears she quickly blinked away.

"My sister was not WEAK!" She stood up and threw the tankard down on the table and it flew towards Merrill who shrieked and ducked quickly. "How dare EITHER of you speak of her! If anyone was weak it was me! I couldn't protect her from the Templars. I was the one who failed." Her voice cracked slightly as she put both hands on the table and looked downwards. "I told you, no one is to speak of her on these nights. These nights are where I get drunk and FORGET about that shit."

"Hawke, I didn't mean... It came out wrong." Fenris made the effort to place his hand on her balled up fists but she pulled them away

"Don't touch me." She said with slight disgust. "I know you don't like Mages, but I thought, at least Bethany... It doesn't matter. I've had enough for tonight. I'm sorry Isabela; I'll have to clean you out next week. Thanks for the drinks Varric."

And with a quick slide of her chair, she swiftly left the room, leaving everyone stunned.

"Maker, I don't think I've seen Hawke use that much emotion before," Varric said shaking his head in disbelief. "Honestly, the first round? You couldn't wait until I had at least removed the guard-captain here of some of her coin and dignity?"

Aveline huffed and shook her head in amused disbelief, "Fenris, you've really done it this time. I don't know if you can make it up to her by just brooding handsomely towards her like you have in the past, I'm afraid" Fenris threw back the rest of his handle and reached across for Merrills', who passed it eagerly towards him.

Sebastian pushed his along to Fenris as well, "I'll be off then, early sermon in the morning," he hastily and awkwardly shuffled out of the room. Aveline followed with a mutter about setting up new routes, and Isabela offered to walk Merrill home quickly after. Varric was left with two depressed men and no whiskey; Fenris had taken his too.

"Well, Blondie, Elf. As much of a HOOT this has been, I'm going to call it a night. Blondie, I'll probably see you tomorrow. Elf, I don't think I'll be seeing you until after that hangover has passed. Both of you need to head home and get some sleep." And with that he herded them both out into the hallway; the usually eternally open door to Varric's abode was officially closed.

Fenris looked at the mage standing awkwardly beside him, growled and headed downstairs to sit himself comfortably at the bar for the rest of the night. Anders, stomach still twisting with guilt, decided finally to head over to the Hawke Estate and sort this mess out. He really needed to stop rising to these stupid heated debates he and Fenris had. Neither of them would ever see the others side, and so it was just a ridiculous game to see who could last the longest before someone had to shut them up (which was usually Hawke). He walked swiftly past Fenris who had already ordered two drinks, and headed up to Hightown.


	2. Lack of Aim

Bodahn hurried to the door after hearing some frantic knocks coming from outside.

"Messere Anders? I'm afraid it's a tad too late to be coming in to study. You'll have to return in the morning."

Anders looked frustrated, "No, it's not that Bodahn, I need to speak to Ophelia please."

"I don't think speaking to Lady Ophelia is prudent tonight, she specifically asked for no visitors. She seemed... rather annoyed." Bodahn gestured back into the estate where a desk could be seen lacking its usual items, which were instead strewn across the floor.

"Please Bodahn, it's important, I just need a few minutes."

"I'm sorry Messere, I rather fancy not having Lady Ophelia unhappy with me. She can be a hard woman to please! Last month she wouldn't talk to me for three days because I let you in after she told me not to. You know what they say; Hell hath no fury like a Hawke scorned!"

And with that, Bodahn promptly closed the door, leaving Anders outside.

"To hell with it then." He huffed as he made his way to the side of the Estate, positioning himself below Ophelia's upstairs bedroom window. He took a few loose stones from the pavement and threw them one by one, until he saw a shadow pass the window. He took a deep breath and waited for the storm.

Hawke slid up the glass with such force it formed a large crack through the middle, which only seemed to make her angrier.

"Really, Anders? Are you fifteen and stupid? Throwing stones at my window like a lovelorn child. Didn't Bodahn tell you to bugger off?"

"Yes he did, thus the stupid stone thing..." Anders said meekly, hoping his 'looking very sorry' face would help calm Hawke down.

"Well I suggest you listen to Bodahns sage advice before I get really pissed." And with that she slammed the window downwards and walked away.

"Please Hawke, just listen for a moment, can we please talk!" Anders shouted, resorting to begging.

The window opened again suddenly, but instead of Hawkes' face, out came a bow and arrow, aimed at Anders head.

"Go ahead, keep talking, I have something here that can shut you up!" Hawkes voice yelled back.

"A bow? Really? Where the hell did you get that from?" Anders was slightly amused now, Hawke was just enjoying being riled up and he was going to see what weird things her enraged mind thought would be necessary in such a predicament.

"Sebastian left it here the other day, said I could keep it. I'm glad the first person I kill with it will be you!"

"I dare you, honestly. You wouldn't know how to string that thing, let alone shoot it. Sebastian probably gave it to you as some kind of rogue joke. In fact he and Isabela are probably laughing their asses off right now hoping you'd get angry enough to try."

Hawke spent the next two minutes trying to pull the arrow onto the string, and then pull the string tight enough to let it go. In the end she just threw both the items down at Anders ("Andrastes ass Hawke!") who dodged them with surprising swiftness.

"My bloody arms won't work properly, how do they do it!" Hawke exasperated. "Bugger it, if I can't stick you with an arrow I'll have to throw my sword and harpoon you instead!"

"Come on Ophelia," Anders said trying to suppress a laugh, "Just let me in, you can give me a good punch if you really need to."

"Don't call me Ophelia!" She said sneeringly. "Only my family and closest friends can call me that! Like Aveline! And Merrill... When she wants something. Sebastian does if wants to talk Chantry. Oh and Isabela when she's being crass. I don't think I've ever heard Varric say it actually... But he can if he wants to. And Fenris does sometimes..." Her eyes glazed over slightly, "But not anymore! Neither you or him can call me Ophelia!"

"Really -" He hesitated before deciding he didn't want to be harpooned, "- Hawke, now you're just being childish!"

"Childish is my thing Anders! Not all of us can be as _in touch _with our emotions as you are. You have enough for the rest of us anyway. Go cry somewhere else."

She closed the window.

"You're so pigheaded!" Anders yelled. "Fine, be like that. At least I tried. Unlike Fenris who is currently drinking himself into next week, this emotional guy right here is trying apologise!" He started walking away, but stomped back under the window. "And don't bother weaselling your way back to my clinic when you feel bad like you usually do, I've had it!"

He walked away from the Estate, mumbling about wasting his time when he heard someone running towards him from behind. He turned around swiftly, pulling his staff from his back and preparing for an attack. But it was just Hawke trying to catch up to him, looking awkward. He put his staff away and sighed.

"Maker, what now? Am I still getting that punch? Or are you hiding your harpoon somewhere?"

Hawke just looked downwards, slightly embarrassed. Anders was just about to walk away when she spluttered, "Do you want to know the last thing Bethany said to me before I left?" She looked at him then, eyes full of emotion, the earlier ridiculous anger gone, leaving a certain vulnerability that Anders had only seen a few times before.

"She said to me, in her telling off voice, 'Try and not be so pigheaded while you're gone! Try and trust people rather than push them away okay?'" Hawke's sad grey eyes focused on Anders and he felt like the only person in her life for that moment. Finally she quietly mumbled, "Sorry for overreacting. And sorry for threatening to kill you. You know how I am."

"That I do, yes. Don't worry, I didn't take it too much to heart," He smiled. "Sorry for bringing up Bethany and riling up Fenris. I just can't help it sometimes, he's too bloody easy to mess with. You know how I am."

Hawke gave one of her rare half smiles which Anders cherished when he was lucky enough to pull one out of her. "You know you can always trust me, right Ophelia? If I can call you that now."

Her smile grew a little wider and Anders heart skipped a beat. "You may," She replied, "And thanks. I'll remember that before I try to use a bow and arrow next time. To save myself the embarrassment." She shook her head in humiliation and Anders chuckled.

"I miss her. I really miss her Anders. I just left her here and they took her from me. She's locked away, and she hates me for failing her, I know it. First Father, then Carver, and now Bethany." Her eyes welled up and she blinked them away, angry at herself for being so weak. "I don't know what to do without her here, without her telling me off for being so stupid and pigheaded." She took a deep breath to calm herself. "She'll be okay in the Circle, right Anders? They won't hurt her will they?" Anders was torn, telling her the truth of the Gallows would only break her heart, while lying to her wouldn't be fair.

"Bethany is a strong girl. She will get through it, and she'll help the Mages in there. That's just what she does. She'll be okay, I'm sure. And she doesn't hate you, you're her sister and she knows that you tried your best."

Hawke looked directly at him pleadingly, "I hope she does. I just want to tell her I'm sorry for not being there. She must have been so scared."

Anders took a step closer to Hawke. Andrastes tit's he thought, he'll probably live to regret this, either at the hands of Fenris or Hawke herself, but at least he can't say he didn't try.

"You know, this is the Hawke I love to see. When you're not trying to act tough or throwing things at me," he said with a sly smile, "you're just as emotionally developed as the rest of us. I miss this Ophelia. You're so beautiful when you're like this."

With that, he lifted her chin and kissed her fully on her lips. At first she didn't respond, grabbing his cloak to push him away, but Anders kissed her deeply and with such intensity that she melted into him. She ran her hands through his soft hair and pulled him closer, breathing in every inch of Anders as he pulled them against a nearby wall. Hawkes rich red robe was sliding under his fingers as he grasped her tightly, not believing that this wasn't merely a dream. After months of imagining this moment, lying in bed late at night aching at the thought of kissing her, he was finally there. Her hands slid under his tunic and across the flat plain of his stomach which made him moan slightly against her mouth. The noise must have startled Hawke as her eyes fluttered open and she backed away quickly.

"Oh Maker, what are we doing?" She looked flustered, trying to pull her robe straight.

"Well I was under the impression that we were kind of making out. I mean, that's what I would call it." Anders joked.

"No, we can't do this. I... It's... Fenris. I shouldn't be kissing you."

"Fenris? What, are you actually seeing him now?"

"No... Not exactly. But I can't do this. I'm sorry Anders."

"Hawke, where is Fenris now? He didn't even have the guts to front up and apologise. Instead he's sitting at the Hanged Man trying to forget it ever happened, so he doesn't even have to bother. While I'm here with you, and you're here with me. And you still want him?"

Hawke hesitated, looking at Anders for an answer.

"He doesn't deserve you Ophelia. You deserve so much more than that... I -" Anders stopped. Was he really going to finally say it?

"I love you." He said quietly, searching her face for a reaction. Please, Maker, don't let her freak out.

"This is too much." She finally said, looking at Anders, her face etched with pain. "I'm sorry, I can't." And with that she ran back to the Estate without a second glace.

Anders slammed his fist against the wall, and tried to hold in the pain that was threatening to burst outwards. He stood there a while, leaning against the wall with one hand, watching the water drip from his chin onto the pavement below. He wasn't good enough. Again. Eventually he made his way back to Darktown, not caring for those who stood in the shadows, and sat in his clinic until sunrise.


	3. Perfect Interruption

Hawke closed the door swiftly and leant against it trying to catch her breath. Maker what was she doing? Anders? She had never even thought of him in that way until he was standing there looking at her like she was the most perfect person in all of Thedas. Sure, she was close to him. He was one of the only people she felt she could tell anything to without needing to do something destructive afterwards to make up for being so pathetic. But, Anders? Why did she kiss him back? She cursed at herself for being so caught up in those big, sad brown eyes.

He loved her. Anders was in love with her. She shook that thought away. She couldn't let herself think about that, she had to focus on other things. Like... Fighting and... drinking.  
>Pathetic, truly pathetic. She made her way upstairs and into her room, hoping to sleep away the thoughts coursing through her head.<p>

"Ophelia, dear? Are you awake?"

Hawke startled, blinking her eyes into focus. She had only just been able to finally get to sleep, even if the sleep was plagued by visions of a ten foot tall blue glowing Anders trying to give her flowers. Even the thought of been given flowers made her queasy, he better not actually try that on her.

"Yes mother, I'm awake." She said, sitting up on the covers and preparing herself for bombardment. Leandra opened the bedroom door and walked in smoothly, looking like a noble Amell that belonged in the Estate. Hawke always complained that the Estate made her feel like she was just staying as some kind of grubby servant, while her mother oozed royalty.

"Your breakfast is ready, it's waiting for you downstairs when you're ready," she said sweetly, before raising the dreaded eyebrow. "Now, was I having a particularly odd dream last night or did I hear someone yelling about harpooning someone else?"

"It was me," Hawke said matter-of-factly, "Anders wouldn't bugger off again, so I had to threaten him with death this time."

"You give that boy such a hard time. That time you chased him out with a candelabra because he didn't like your Mabari and was a 'cat person' was rather unnecessary, don't you think?"

"Not at all, Ser Biscuit was insulted. I had to defend his honour!"

Leandra clucked as she always did when Hawke was spouting nonsense and sat at the foot of her bed. "Well what was it this time that deserved such extremities?"

"Nothing, Mother. He was being a pompous ass, nothing new."

"Did I hear you run out after him?"

"Yes, to finish him off. He found it hard to heal himself without a head."

"Well clearly you don't want to speak about this," Leandra sighed. "I do try my best you know, as your loving mother!"

Hawke rolled her eyes, "I'm not particularly in the mood for a classic Amell guilt trip thanks. Not this morning." She stood up and opened her wardrobe, slipping on a freshly laundered robe.

"Fine, fine, I won't pry. You have a visitor in the entrance room anyway."

Hawke froze. "Oh," she said, trying to keep her voice nonchalant. "Who is it?" Please not Anders, please not Anders.

"Fenris, your Elf friend." Leandra said lightly, pretending not to notice Hawke's sudden interest. "He is rather odd-looking with those tattoos, but has quite wonderful manners. What are all those white tattoos about? Is he a member of some gang?

Hawke raced over to the mirror, trying to flatten her short chestnut hair, "No, mother, he's not in a gang. I hope you didn't ask him that." Maker! Some bits were sticking straight up! Where was that spray Isabela gave her?

"He comes over rather often doesn't he? What do you two do?"

"I teach him how to read. Something he didn't learn because he was in that White Tattoo Gang; they frown on literacy."

Leandra chuckled a little, "With wit like that you could almost challenge your father to a battle. His head was spinning with little comebacks and one-liners like that. Luckily you didn't inherit the tendency to laugh at your own jokes; that was his downfall!" She smiled warmly.

Hawke paused and turned to her mother, "What do you think he would have thought of all this?" She gestured at the room.

"I'm sure he would be happy for us. Happy we found a home, and happy we are safe. But he was always happy with so much less. 'Just you and the kids, that's all I need,' he would tell me."

Hawke watched her mother look away, staring at the floor. She walked over and sat beside her.

"He'll watch over Bethany. Him and Carver. She'll be fine." Hawke said quietly, knowing what her mother was thinking.

Leandra looked at her lovingly, "I know dear. She's a good girl, I only wish she could have seen this place. I think she would have loved it. But I'm sure Carver would have hated it!"

Hawke and Leandra both laughed, a mixture of sadness and fondness. Leandra took Hawke's hand. "I'm so proud of you, dear. You know that, right?"

Hawke gave her a rare hug , "Thanks Mum. I should go see Fenris now I suppose."

"You should invite him to breakfast," Leandra offered.

"We'll see," she said, doubting his acceptance and therefore not even willing to try.

A final check in the mirror showed nothing more awful than usual and so she headed downstairs to the entrance room.

Fenris was sitting on one of the benches, holding his head. Hearing Hawke walk into the room, he shot up. Just looking at him made Hawke feel ridiculously giddy and she hoped he couldn't hear her heart thumping from across the room.

"Hawke."

"Fenris."

There was silence for a few seconds as Hawke leant into the wall and folded her arms. Intimidation seemed to work best in these scenarios.

"I... Uhh..." Fenris looked down, unsure of what to say. "I've come to - " he seemed to struggle with saying the word aloud, " - Apologise."

"You don't appear to be drunk. Did Isabela or Varric knock some sense into you?"

"No, I am not drunk. Unfortunately," he said, not hiding his disappointment. "And no sense was knocked, but Isabela did make sure she relieved me of all the drinks I bought for myself last night." Hawke would have to thank her when she saw her next. Maybe she'd buy her that hat she always went on about.

There was silence again. If Fenris kept looking so forlorn Hawke may have to forgive him wholeheartedly too early. She needed to milk this for all it was worth.

"So? Are you here to say something or do you just like to act the fool?" Maybe harsh, but Hawke wasn't about to give up so easily.

Fenris seemed to make up his mind. He strode across the room taking Hawke by surprise and stood so close to her she could see the individual pores on his face.

"There is no excuse for my behaviour," his voice was low and gravely, his deep green eyes intense.  
>"I found myself saying words I knew were not true as soon as they left my mouth. Bethany is a kind and brave Mage. The best Mage I have ever known. And I would break her out of the Gallows for you if I could. I am sorry, and I will do anything in my power to make it up to you." He said the last words in a way that made Hawke's stomach lurch and her heart jump. They were so close she could feel his warm breath tickling her face.<p>

"Not to sound particularly cliché," She said quietly, "But there is something in mind..."

Fenris smiled mischievously. One more of those and Hawke felt like she would probably pass out.

"Anything to please a beautiful woman..." He said lightly, before lifting his hand to stroke her cheek. Their lips hovered so close Hawke could feel his chapped skin almost brushing against hers.  
>One more infinite moment –<p>

"Ophelia dear, are you coming - " Leandra walked from around the corner, interrupting Fenris and Hawke the second before their lips met. They shot away from each other, Fenris blushing slightly and Hawke looking furious.

"Mother! Seriously? You knew we were out here!"

"I hadn't heard anything for a while, I thought he had left! I'm sorry dear!"

"Just because I wasn't yelling doesn't mean nothing was happening! Maker, I feel like a fifteen year old trying to sneak around my own house!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! My mistake! I'll leave you to it." Leandra quickly shuffled out of the room holding her hands up in surrender.

Hawke took a deep breath and tried not to think of what her mother had just interrupted. She was finally going to bloody kiss him for Andrastes sake!

"Well, that was perfect timing." Fenris coughed.

"Yes, rather too perfect. That meddling woman, I swear I will harpoon her too one day!"

"No you wouldn't – Wait, harpoon her?" Fenris said with a choked laugh. Hearing him laugh suddenly made Hawke feel a lot less pissed about the situation.

"Well of course I wouldn't," Hawke met his smile, "But Maker she tests me sometimes."

Fenris looked warmly at her for a moment, before pointing to the door. "I will head off then, and let you deal with that." Hawke's heart dropped.

"Yes, of course, I'll see you tomorrow for reading then? As always?"

"As always." He repeated.

He made a step for the door, before stopping and changing his mind. He turned and walked back to Hawke (she couldn't take much more of this sudden charging towards her) before kissing her gently on the forehead. Hawke went bright red and looked away, suddenly far too aware of her messy hair and dark circles under her eyes.

Fenris caressed her cheek, "Tomorrow. Ophelia." He said in a way so deep and rich that it made her feel dizzy. Then he turned and left the Estate into the bright day.

Oh Maker, Hawke thought, he will be the death of me.


	4. Wrestling Match

After a very small breakfast, due to her stomach still not feeling completely balanced, Hawke heard a knock at the door.

"Ophelia, dear, would you get that? I highly doubt it would be for me," Leandra said, looking pointedly at her. Hawke ignored her and took her huge sword from her bedroom before heading back downstairs to answer the door.

She opened it a crack before announcing loudly, "Introduce yourself."

"Uh, I am Rian, of the City Guard?"

"You are unsure? Are you human? Two legs, two arms? Look down at what you are wearing. Do – you – wear – City – Guard – armour?" Hawke enunciated each word in a sarcastic tone.

"Yes, Serrah! I am Rian of the City Guard."

"That's much better, you should be proud," She opened the door, leaning against her sword before nodding to it. "I may be in a pretty little robe right now, but try anything particularly stupid, like forgetting who you are again, and I will have to use force in order to remove you from my entrance way," Hawke smiled in a frighteningly sweet fashion, like a cat with a bird between its teeth. This seemed to unnerve the poor Guard even more.

"I-I have a message here, from Guard Captain Av-Aveline, Lady Hawke," He promptly handed it over before bowing low with one hand over his chest and hurriedly leaving the area.

Hawke disappointedly watched him flee, hoping he would have stayed for a little more fun, before opening the scrolled parchment.

'_Hawke,  
>Come up to the Barracks, would like a chat.<br>-Aveline.'_

"Oh this is going to be a bundle of laughs," Hawke muttered.

"Hawke, nice to see you," Aveline said as she entered the Guard-Captains office. It was modest, like Aveline, with a shelf full of books on various fighting techniques and war memoirs. She stood against her large desk with a raised eyebrow, watching Hawke with a kind of 'loving' distaste. "I thought I told you to leave the Guards alone. Rian came running back here looking like he had seen Death itself."

"Well, I have never been so honoured! To be likened to Death, it is a truly wondrous feat. All the blind rage and mass murder have finally paid off!"

"Only you would be complimented by such a thing, you twat."

"And oh, you love me for it. Wouldn't have me any other way," Hawke gave her a cheeky wink and Aveline cracked, returning it with a smile.

"You cause me so much trouble, but I can't deny you have a certain charm."

"I will surely pass out from all the praise! Please, berate me a little so I may deflate."

Aveline took on a serious tone immediately and Hawke was taken back somewhat. Where was the playful banter? They did this for at least five minutes!

"Hawke, talk to me."

"About what?"

"Last night. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Aveline, don't worry."

"Your reaction last night didn't exactly leave me not worried Hawke. It's clear you're not coping with Bethany gone."

"I overreacted. I'm fine now, just drop it Aveline."

Aveline looked at her sceptically, "You would never admit to overreacting so freely," she took a step closer to Hawke, scrutinising her. "Something's happened. Spill."

"Nothing has happened Aveline! I just went home and slept. When I woke up this morning I felt better about it."

"No. No you wouldn't. Something happened, something _good _happened. You're in a good mood aren't you?"

"What! No! Never!" Hawke began panicking slightly now. Aveline could read her like a book sometimes, and discussing Anders and Fenris was a conversation that she'd rather like to miss.

Aveline narrowed her eyes at her, waiting for Hawke to crack. Hawke may be a tough bitch, but Aveline was tougher, and frustratingly more logical.

Finally Hawke couldn't take it anymore, "FINE! Fine. Something happened. Last night I went home and well, Anders followed me back."

"And so he should, you deserved an apology."

"Yes, well I threw some things at him and he said sorry, and then well..." Aveline raised her eyebrow in suspense. "Then, he kissed me."

"He did what?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Did you kiss him back?"

"No. Well, not at first... Ugh! It's that damn sad face of his. I couldn't help it! He looked so bloody, well, gorgeous. I'm not proud of it okay."

Aveline shook her head, "Maker, he really did it. I never thought he'd actually land one on you before you smacked him one. He must be over the moon. Good on him I suppose."

"Wait, you knew he loves me?"

"He what?"

"MAKER! It sounded like you knew!"

"We all knew he had a crush on you, but he told you he loves you? Maker, what a headache."

"You're telling me. Wait, you ALL knew?"

"Hawke, it was so obvious I thought you knew yourself. The way he looks it at you, it's like -"

"I'm the only person in all of Thedas?"

"Not exactly what I was going to say, but I can see that you rather enjoyed the attention."

"Do you enjoy your tongue? I'll take care of it for you if you keep talking," Hawke said, and Aveline just snorted at the empty threat. Aveline really needed to drop the big sister act, it was intruding on Hawke's headspace, and she rather liked that solely occupied by herself.

"I'm guessing that's not the reason why you're so happy this morning though is it?" Hawke tried her best to stay completely emotionless as Aveline slowly paced around her like an interrogator.

"Someone else came to visit didn't they?" Aveline said thoughtfully and Hawke held her breath.

"Fenris came to apologise too didn't he? But you kissed. Or almost kissed."

"How do you get inside my head like this? Get out!" Hawke grabbed Aveline punched her in the stomach. The Guard-Captain took the advantage of Hawke's lack of concentration before wrapping her arm around her head and holding her in a headlock. Hawke tried to rip Avelines arms away for a few seconds before elbowing her in the ribs, right between her armour joints. Aveline took a few steps back in pain before launching herself back at Hawke, tackling her to the ground. There was a clatter of armour on armour as they wrestled around for a few seconds before someone burst into the office.

"Guard-Captain! What's going - " The guard stopped when he realised both the women on the ground were crying with laughter whilst pinning each other down in various death locks. Aveline realised someone had come in and stood up immediately, straightening her armour and tucking her hair back under her head band. Hawke sat on the ground trying to get her breath and grinning from ear to ear.

"Guardsman Donnic... Hawke and I were just... settling a dispute." She was blushing darkly, her freckles hidden by the growing red of her cheeks.

"I see," Donnic said, with a lopsided smile. "I shall leave you both to... settling disputes then." He closed the door.

"Maker, Hawke, he probably thinks we were doing more than just messing about now!"

"But I thought we were doing more than just messing about," Hawke wiggled her eyebrows and blew her a kiss.

"Oh you are just disgusting; you and Isabela are one in the same I swear."

"You love it, big girl."

"Say that one more time and I will knock you to next week."

"Like to see you try."

"I'm not playing games anymore Hawke. Tell me about Fenris."

Hawke sighed, "It is exactly as you say. He came to apologise, which he did _really _rather well by the way, and we were just about to kiss before Mother decided it would be a brilliant time to pop in for a chat."

"Oh Leandra," Aveline sighed but smiled, "She's a sweet but misguided woman sometimes."

Hawke nodded her approval and stood up, "Well, if you're done interrogating me, I would like to go and kill some bad guys."

"What are you going to do about it all? About Fenris and Anders?" Aveline asked.

"Well, I like Fenris, obviously. So hopefully that is what I'll be doing."

Aveline ignored the innuendo, "And Anders?"

Hawke paused, thinking it over before pointing upwards like she had a great idea, "I think I'll avoid him like the Blight, that should work!"

"You have no feelings for him then? You are close friends aren't you?" She couldn't hide her slight disappointment in Hawkes friendship choices, "And you _did _kiss him back."

"Don't remind me," Hawke rubbed her temples. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. Kissing him was a mistake okay? Let's talk about your love life instead, see how you like it."

Aveline looked thoughtful for a moment, before seeming to decide something, "Come back tomorrow."

"For what?"

"Did I stutter?"

Hawke made a noise like she had been injured, "My own words! Against me! Ouch!" She said as she stumbled towards the door and left Aveline shaking her head.


	5. A Hard Pill to Swallow

The next day Hawke made the familiar path to Fenris' Mansion with a new book in hand. He was beginning to get the hang of basic sentences now, so she was moving him up from 'Gnashers, the Friendly Mabari' to 'The Tale of Kyan and Tyler' (a favourite of hers when she was young, but she wasn't about to tell _him _that).

"Fenris, I'm here!" She called in an overly singsong voice that she knew pissed him off; "It sounds like you're coming over for a children's play date" he would say. Usually she would continue quietly up the stairs and into the main room where he would glare at her for the introduction, but this time he was walking down the stairs, striding towards her in such a way that made her a little frightened.

"Fenris? What's going on?"

He began pacing, breathing erratically, "She's here. Hadriana is here."

"Hadriana? The one who –"

"Yes! The one that works for Danarius. She's at the Wounded Coast, she's here to take me back to him." Seeing Fenris in such a state was beginning to worry Hawke, she hadn't seen him so reckless and fuelled by rage that he could hardly stand still.

"Right. Okay. We go find her and we sort this out. Kill her if necessary."

"If necessary? I will rip her heart out before she has the chance to beg for her life. She will not have me."

"I won't let her have you Fenris. I'm here, okay? We'll find her together."

"Fine. Yes. We go now." And with that, Fenris walked outside, leaving Hawke to run after him. She caught up to him before grabbing his shoulder.

"We need backup, we don't know how many of them are out there. I need to get Aveline and Merrill."

"You aren't bringing that filthy monster along with us," Fenris spat.

Hawke rounded on him, finally at the end of her tether, "Listen to me Fenris. You can call Anders whatever you wish, because frankly I don't give a shit about that little tiff you two have. But don't you dare insult one of my closest friends because you're all pissed off and angry at the world. Calm the fuck down and think about this rationally. Merrill can help us defend whatever bat shit crazy magic this Tevinter bitch may have behind her back. So you can shut up and listen to me, or we won't survive the day."

Fenris opened his mouth to retort angrily, but Hawke gave him a look that said 'just try it, see what happens' and he closed it again, looking furious but resigned.

"Thank you," Hawke said looking directly into his eyes, hoping he could see that he could trust her with this, and she reached out and squeezed his hand as quickly as she dared. He nodded briefly, before breaking eye contact and walking onwards to collect the others.

Entering the cave where the slave trader had said Hadriana was hiding was like entering Hell itself. It had somehow led to an old Dwarven made passage, linking chambers to each other while also seething with heat and sulphuric gases. The smell made Hawke gag and her eyes water, but she pressed on, leading the party past sputtering lava channels and iron bars, hoping to find Hadriana as soon as possible.

"It's so dismal here," Merrill whispered, her eyes darting around nervously. Hawke looked back at her pointedly and Merrill looked at her apologetically, miming zipping her lips. Hawke had told her before they left Merrill's house that it was best she didn't talk, for fear of incurring Fenris' increasing wrath.

They rounded a few more corners, opened a few more heavy stone doors before entering a chamber. It was empty and silent, apart from the bubbling of the lava channel at the far end. Fenris looked around, before pulling out his sword.

"Arm yourselves. They hide." He stepped into the centre of the room, Hawke only a few paces behind. She could hear her own heart beating in her ears, her adrenaline began shooting through her as she gripped her sword tightly.

Suddenly they leapt from their spaces above the columns, perfectly disguised with their dark armour against the stone. One was heading directly to Hawke, blades positioned downward to strike her neck and chest. She turned quickly, hearing the movement, and whipped her sword upwards through the air, slicing the slaver assassin cleanly in half. His torso fell with a thud to the floor, the blood spraying to the air and covering Hawke's face in red droplets. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and licked the rest that covered her lips. These were the battles she craved.

The remaining slavers continued to charge. Aveline parried one before bashing another with her shield, his head smashing to the floor in a sickening crunch. A green glow began to enter the room as Merrill, hidden by a haze of seething green and black serrated shapes, sent out spells that paralysed and tortured some of the attackers. Their screams echoing around the room, mixed in with the cacophony of swords clashing and muffled grunts as the slavers fell one by one to Hawkes party. Fenris took the final slaver Mage down, taking a wide upwards arc and cutting through the neck so forcefully that their head flew off their body and rolled away across the chamber. Everyone was panting and covered in thick red blood and Hawke turned to them, sheathing her greatsword.

"Good work everyone. Nice work on the green thing you did Merrill, really made those suckers scream!" Hawke said joyfully while Merrill twitched a smile, looking unsurely at her. Fenris growled and continued to the next passage way.

After three similar battles, they finally neared the last chamber. Cautiously they approached, Fenris taking the lead, then Hawke and Aveline, then Merrill. Merrill stopped them suddenly with a frenzied wave.

"She is here. I can feel the blood magic; it's in the walls and the floors. She will conjure up whatever she can, so be ready for demons and the raised dead."

"Oh that's great," Aveline said sarcastically, "I could be doing important things as, you know, the Guard-Captain of Kirkwall, but instead I'm in a Dwarven hell hole fighting demons. Remind me to not come along next time, Hawke."

Hawke hissed at her to be quiet before Fenris burst a blood vessel and had a stroke.

They rounded a final corner, and skeletal hands began to rise from the stone itself.

"Be ready!" Merrill cried, waving her staff and conjuring lightening that crackled along the ceiling, highlighting the room in purple and showing where Hadriana was. Fenris screamed in anger and ran straight at her, his sword held high. He pulled it down directly onto her head, until it suddenly bounced back and threw Fenris backwards onto the stone. Hadriana had covered herself in some kind of swirling, white magical shield.

"Fenris! What a surprise!" She cackled, "Us Mages have such wonderful gifts; I would really love for you to _try some of them_," as she said this, as huge bellow of fire erupted from her staff aimed at Fenris who was still knocked onto the floor. Aveline threw herself into the flame, protecting herself and Fenris with her shield which grew red hot under her gauntlets. Hawke silently thanked Aveline for her quick thinking as she sliced her way through another skeleton warrior and on to a Fire Demon that was pulling itself up from the floor in a fiery blaze.  
>The party continued to battle the various conjurations Hadriana brought from the stone, waiting for her mana to drain and her shield to drop. A Shade took Hawke by surprise and pierced her in the arm with its sharp clawed hands, almost making her drop her sword in pain. She bit through it and ran her sword through the demon as it shrieked and slid back through the floor. Blood was pouring down her arm, making the sword difficult to hold in her slippery hand, but she went to a Rage Demon and cut across its smouldering frame. Merrill abruptly cried out, holding her side and collapsing to the floor, a skeleton withdrawing its blade from her abdomen and raising it again to slide across her throat. Hawke screamed out to her and ran full force at the skeleton, knocking it to the ground. She crushed its skull between her boots and hurried back to Merrill, falling beside her. She was going pale and whimpering from the pain, blood darkening her chainmail and pooling beside her.<p>

"Merrill, don't you dare die trying to fight for this bastard," Hawke said clenching her teeth, "I swear to the Maker that I will make Fenris kiss your Elvish feet for this!"

Merrill chuckled weakly, "I think that would be rather funny to watch, wouldn't it?"

"Where is Anders when you need him!" She looked around as if he was going to suddenly appear. "Merrill, can you heal at all? Just try, see if you can close the wound!"

"I never properly learned Hawke, the Keeper tried, she said –" Merrill winced in pain, "She said I didn't have the head for it."

"Just try Merrill, please, I can't lose you!" Hawke choked away her tears. Merrill closed her eyes and tried to focus on her mana, pushing it towards her injured side. She imagined the blue light knitting together her flesh, just like the Keeper had told her to, and the last of her energy rushed into the wound. It began closing; Hawke couldn't believe her eyes as she watched the skin move seemingly of its own will and close itself into the thin red line. Merrills eyes fluttered open.

"Did I do it?"

"You did, you bloody did it!" She grabbed Merrill and hugged her tightly until she heard Merrill crying out in protest.

"Your armour! It's all pointy! Ow!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" She helped Merrill to her feet, holding her up with one arm until the elf gained back some of her energy. It seemed that Aveline and Fenris had seen Merrill go down and Hawke follow her, making sure they were protected from the remaining attackers. They had finished the rest, and were waiting for an exhausted Hadriana to finally let down her shield. Hawke and Merrill hobbled over to the Mage as she finally gave out and collapsed to the floor. Fenris raised his huge sword.

"Stop! You do not want me dead!" She panted, raising her arm in defence.

"On the contrary, I would prefer nothing more than to see Danarius's prized pet dead before me."

"I have information! I will trade it for my life!"

"Nothing you could give me would stay my sword!"

"You have a sister! She is alive."

Fenris paused, shocked by the news. He hesitated before slowly sheathing his sword. Hadriana took the opportunity and sat up straighter, eager to spill all for a chance at escaping alive.

"Let me go, and I will tell you where she is. I will tell you everything."

Fenris looked uncertain, clearly tempted by the possibility of having a link to his former life. He turned towards Hawke, looking fraught.

"It's up to you Fenris. Only you can decide what you want. She could be lying, but what if she isn't?"

Hadriana looked hopefully at Fenris, "I tell the truth, but I need a promise that I will leave here alive. I will not gladly betray Danarius without payment of my own. Do I have your word? Will you let me go if I tell you?"

Fenris leant towards Hadriana, loathing in his eyes. "Yes," he growled, "You have my word."

Hadriana breathed relief, "Her name is Varania. She is in Qarinus, serving a magister by the name of Ahriman."

"A servant. Not a slave," Fenris replied with slight surprise.

"She's not a slave."

"I believe you," Fenris said, before the lyrium of his skin began to glow blue. Hadriana only had time to gasp before his hand ripped into her chest with a sucking sound and he pulled out her still beating heart. Blood gushed from the cavity left behind, and her eyes were frozen in perpetual horror as she slumped backwards into her own pool of gathering blood. Fenris crushed the heart between his metal gauntlets and threw it to the ground, where it lay in pieces. Merrill and Aveline were staring at the fleshy mess with sickened looks on their faces.

"We are done here," Fenris turned and strode away from the chamber.

Hawke hurried to catch up, "Don't you want to talk about this?"

"No! I do not want to talk about this! This could all be a trap! Hadriana, my sister, it could have all been to lure me here so Danarius could finally find me," he snarled. "Even if I had a sister, it would be suicide to find to and find her," he said this with a tinge of regret to his voice before continuing.

"But all that matter is that I finally got to crush this bitch's heart. May she rot and all the other Mages with her," his voice cracking from such incredible rage.

"Do you want to say that again to my face, Fenris?" Hawke snarled back.

"You don't know what I've been through, what Mages have made me! I was their slave!" Fenris yelled at her seething with anger, "I can never forgive them for the life they stole, the life they twisted and destroyed. I don't know who I was before becoming their pet!"

Hawke deflated, watching the agony on Fenris' face. "Okay. Let's just leave and sort this out," she said, reaching out to place her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't comfort me," He growled, shaking it away. "Mages could have ruined my sister, like they destroyed me. What has magic touched that it hasn't spoiled?"

Hawke looked at him incredulously. After everything she had told him, after everything he knew of her Father and Bethany, he still believed that? She shook her head in disgust.

"I... I need to go," Fenris said resignedly, looking at Hawke and realising what he said.

"Yes, yes you do," Hawke spat, turning from him and walking towards Merrill who was now being held up by Aveline. She heard Fenris leave the chamber seconds after. She tried to bite down the anger building inside by focusing on Merrill who was still pale but looking stronger.

"How are you feeling?" She said, accidently keeping the tension in her voice.

"Fenris is just very confused, Hawke," Merrill replied carefully. "Those Mages have been hunting him for years. When he thinks that he may finally be free of them, that he may be moving on to better things –" she nods towards Hawke, "- then they threaten everything he thought he had, again.  
>He's scared, Hawke. He just doesn't know how to say it; he prefers yelling and blaming others. It's kind of his thing really."<p>

Merrill reminded Hawke so much of Bethany; the anxious eyes peering at you as they say exactly what you needed to hear but couldn't come up with yourself; the voice that told you to stop being so pigheaded and to trust people; the calm and soothing manner that healed all your anger and pain.

Hawke smiled at Merrill, "You're one of a kind you know, defending the very person who has fought you every step of the way."

"Everyone has their faults Hawke, I just learn to accept it, while others try to fight," she said matter-of-factly before turning to Aveline, "But I would rather like to get out of here. I'm not feeling all that well to keep having chats in this dreadful place, I'm afraid."

"Right away, my damsel in distress," Aveline replied, lifting her up into her arms as Merrill screeched in surprise. They both giggled as Hawke followed behind them.  
>She needed a drink. She needed a LOT of drinks.<p> 


	6. Unfortunate Euphoria

Heading back to Kirkwall along the long winding coast and under the beating sun was not helping Merrill feel any better. As they hurried along, Aveline still grasping Merrill tightly, her skin began to take on a sickly sheen of sweat and her breath was laboured.

Hawke stopped Aveline to take a closer look at Merrill, whose head began lolling about in her arms.

"Merrill, what's happening? I thought you healed the wound?"

"I... I don't know... I can't have..." She whispered back, fear in her eyes.

"We need to get to Anders immediately! Aveline, can you run but keep Merrill steady?"

"I think I can yes," she held Merrill out a little further and began jogging, jostling Merrill slightly but they would make it to the clinic in half the time.

In the twenty minutes that it took them to reach Kirkwall the sun was setting and Merrill was struggling to stay awake. Hawke ran ahead to the clinic, the lamp was already out for the night but she burst through the doors anyway.

"Anders! Where are you!" She screamed, searching the clinic. He popped out from behind a pillar where he seemed to be shaving his face. He looked alarmed and wiped the remaining foam away before hurrying to Hawke.

"What's wrong? You're hurt!" He reached down and took her hand in his, trying to find the source of the now dried blood that covered it. Hawke's heart skipped a little as he frantically looked over her arm for the wound.

"No, no, I'm fine. It's Merrill, she's injured, Aveline has her. I don't know what's wrong with her, I thought she healed it."

"Healed it?" Anders said incredulously, "She can't heal!"

"The Keeper tried to teach her, but she didn't really get it. She just tried and it seemed to heal up, but something is wrong. She can't die Anders, you have to heal her please!" Hawke pleaded to him, her eyes full of tears.

Aveline ran in, bright red and sweating, holding a limp and barely awake Merrill. Anders signalled her to a nearby stretcher and he leant down beside her. She was muttering words under her breath that Anders couldn't make out and her skin was so pale he was surprised she was still breathing at all. He spotted the wound on her side; a thick red line that had started to bleed again. The healer hovered his hands over the injury, letting blue light rush into Merrill. He allow the light to travel through her abdomen, trying to find the source of the sickness.

"It... Seems like... She has tried to knit back some of the wound. She healed the outer gash and some of the wounds inside, but she's still bleeding internally, some of her organs are still damaged. She's lost a lot of blood," He pulled up his sleeves and prepared to focus. "This will take a lot out of me; make sure I don't hit my head if I collapse okay?" Hawke looked worriedly at him, but kneeled beside him all the same.

"Anders? I have another problem downstairs, if you know what I mean. Could you help me out?" Isabela's had walked into the clinic and not realised what was happening. She saw Merrill on the stretcher looking a shade away from death and hurried over. "Kitten? What did you get yourself into this time?" She said quietly, brushing the hair back from her slick forehead. She looked over to Anders, "What are you waiting for!" She screeched.

Anders began to push out the energy as much as he could, first knitting together the organs that were damaged, then the muscles and tendons. Beads of sweat began to form on his forehead and he struggled to breathe from the intensity. Finally, he removed the thickening blood that was pooling in her abdomen, replacing her body with fresh blood that immediately coloured her cheeks. With relief he finished, removing himself from Merrill's side and dizzily walking towards his potions cabinet, his energy almost completely gone. He took a bright blue bottle from the cabinet and drank it heartily as it stung his dry mouth and throat.

"Are you okay?" Hawke asked cautiously from behind him. He spun around, already beginning the tingle of the lyrium in his system and nodded.

"I'm fine. Merrill?" They both turned to look at Merrill, who was now sitting up and hugging Isabela while trying to explain what had happened. Aveline stood slightly away, watching the two and smiling.

"She's fine. Thank you," Hawke said, her eyes full of emotion.

"No problem," Anders coughed, looking away. He spotted her injured arm and took it gingerly. She let herself be lead to another stretcher across the clinic and he sat her down on it.

"What happened here?"

"Some demon or skeleton. I don't know, it just took a swipe at me. Right between the armour too."

Anders paused, "Why didn't you take me?"

"Why didn't I take you where?"

"Why didn't you take me with you? On this insane task that included demons and skeletons! Don't you think having a healer there would have helped the situation?"

"Well yes, but I just didn't think -"

"No, you're just avoiding me. After what I said the other night."

Hawke went silent, looking down at the dirt floor of the clinic.

"I thought that we were friends, Ophelia, first and foremost."

"We are."

"Well it doesn't feel like that. It feels like you want nothing to do with me. I may have said something you didn't agree with, but I thought at least you would be bigger than avoiding me and pretending I don't exist."

Hawke looked up at him, "I know. I'm sorry. You deserve better than that."

"Thank you," Anders sighed, "Let's have a look at this injury then."

"It's not that bad, really. The bleeding has stopped, it'll just be a scratch."

"Take off your gauntlet," Hawke did as she was told, and handed him the gauntlet for him to place on the table beside him.

"Maker! How heavy is this! How do you move your hands at all!"

"Not all of us are weaklings like you, Anders."

"As a matter of fact, this pauldron is rather heavy, thank you."

Hawke snorted, "Heavier than full body onyx armour and a greatsword?"

"Well, Mages don't need that anyway, we have far superior defences."

"Oh really, like feathers?"

"No, like charm and striking good looks," Anders flashed a smile and Hawke laughed, raising her arm to punch him in the side but she flinched and held it instead.

"Oh yes, right, your arm," Anders inspected it, wiping away the dried blood which hid the wound with a cool, wet towel. Their heads were so close Anders could feel her breath on his forehead as he leant over her. He tried to focus on the arm, but was finding it harder by the second. He finally found the source of the bleeding, a large gash near her inside elbow. He looked puzzled, and turned her arm over, to find a similar gash on the exact opposite side.

"Try and make a fist, Hawke?" She tried, but her pinky and ring finger wouldn't completely curl under and she looked surprised.

"This is hardly a scratch Hawke, the thing pierced right through your arm! I'm surprised you could hold your sword, the tendon that controls those fingers has been partially cut."

"Oh Maker, please leave out the details, just heal it."

"I think I might just leave it actually, pay back for avoiding me."

"Don't be a twat Anders."

"I was joking! Of course I'll heal it. This will feel a little funny. Just relax your arm, close your eyes and breathe deeply. It'll help the healing."

"This sounds a little creepy Anders."

"Just do it, Ophelia."

Hawke huffed and closed her eyes. She let her arm relax and felt Anders touching it gently. His fingers brushing her skin gave her goose bumps that she really hoped he didn't see. A tingling, icy feeling began to trickle into her arm through the gash. It felt gentle and ticklish like feathers, but had a biting, burning sensation also. It felt rather spectacular, Hawke thought and she let herself relax further. She could feel the skin pulling together and the twang of the tendon snapping back in place. The sensation continued however, and travelled up her arm, rushing over her stiff shoulders and through her now tingling neck. It felt like a wave of ecstasy slowly travelling down her body. She tried to keep her face as straight as possible, but the feeling was growing too intense as it headed lower, and lower. She bit her lip, completely forgetting where she was or what was going on, and just let the sensation roll over her. It was incredible.

Suddenly it dissipated and she was back to reality. Hawke was horrified at what she felt, directly in front of Anders. She opened her eyes slowly to see Anders standing there with a huge grin on his face.

"What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I swear to Andraste, Anders, what did you bloody do!"

"I was healing you, like you wanted me to."

"That wasn't _healing _Anders, you bastard."

"It's a side-effect, why do you think my patients wake up a little _too_ happy?"

"Maker! That's sick! Why didn't you stop!"

"You sounded like you were enjoying it, I didn't want to interrupt."

"You mean I was making NOISES?"

Anders was absolutely beside himself, trying to hold in his laughter and getting pinker every second he did so.

"I'll give you something to laugh about, you sick creep!" Hawke stood up and slapped him square across the face, his laugh suddenly knocked out of him. She grabbed her gauntlet and walked over to the three women who were staring at them, wondering what had happened.

"Right, Merrill's fine, we're leaving."

"But I want to say thank you to Anders!"

"Nope, Merrill, he doesn't deserve it. Move. Out we go."

She herded them out the door, pushing Isabela as she tried to catch sight of Anders' reddening cheek.

He yelled out after Hawke, "At least you enjoyed it!" Silence returned his call. A few seconds after however, Hawke popped her head back in the clinic.

"That's completely besides the point," She said and Anders smiled. "You're such a bastard, you know?"

"It's part of the charm I was talking about," he replied.

"Unfortunately for me..." Hawke sighed and popped her head back out.

Anders may, or may not, have done a happy dance that day.


	7. Es Pulchra

**The following chapter has mature content, so please be warned :) (Sidenote: I am new to FF, and therefore also new to... Mature content. I hope I have done it justice, it was rather... Difficult for me to come up with some of the stuff! I'm not all for intense, crazy detail, but hopefully there's enough there to not be too disappointing!)**

**Let me know how I'm going, you guys give me the confidence to keep going! **

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><p>After returning Merrill back to her home in the Alienage to rest, Hawke returned to the Estate for the night. She was exhausted not only from the battle earlier in the day, but her thoughts would not stop running circles in her head. Why in the world did she feel the need to flirt with Anders? What would have happened had Anders not been there to help Merrill? Should she go talk to Fenris? The last thought made her stomach pang in worry. She was so furious at the way he had acted, but she still wished that he would have asked for her help. She wanted to be there for him.<p>

She changed in her room, unbuckling the heavy armour and placing it in a trunk before slipping into her familiar soft robe. Even though Isabela would always make fun of Hawke's choice in 'finery', there was nothing more relaxing than feeling the soft fabrics against aching limbs and bruised skin. A small scar was all that was left of the wound on her arm, and as she touched it briefly she felt a pleasant jolt, as if Anders had touched her with that blue light again. Taking a deep breath to settle her heart, she sat down at her desk to write in her journal, something she only did when she particularly missed talking to Bethany. She would write each entry down as 'Dear Bethany,' and send the pages to her when she had the chance. She had only ever received one letter back to tell Hawke she was doing okay, and only that was a favour from Cullen who hesitantly handed it over, making sure no one was watching. As far as Hawke was concerned, The Gallows were a prison but Bethany was no prisoner.

There was a light knock at the door, and Bodahn slowly entered the room. He bowed deeply.

"Lady Hawke, there is a visitor in the entrance room for you."

"Is it Anders?" Hawke cursed at herself for the hopefulness she heard in those words.

"No, messere, it is Fenris."

Hawke grinded her teeth, "I'll come down in a moment."

Bodahn left her and she closed her journal before taking a quick look in the mirror where the circles under her eyes had become an awful bruise, her eyes themselves were bloodshot. What a treat, Hawke thought. She braced herself for the confrontation ahead.

Fenris was sitting, as usual, with his head between his hands. Hawke was trying to decide what attitude she should take towards this particular Fenris encounter; angry or hurt? Nonchalant or hypersensitive? Fenris raised his head towards her as she entered and the look on his face completely knocked any preparation out of her. He looked anxious, his eyebrow knotted upwards in a worried frown, his lips parted as if to speak but no words came. She hardly ever saw him like this, the last was possibly when he told her of the Fog Warriors, which she knew was difficult for him. All the anger diffused completely and she was just left exhausted. It was too much, everything was too much. It wasn't fair that he kept doing this to her; breaking her heart with harsh words and then making her forget everything with a simple look. She couldn't keep doing this.

The silence stretched on until Hawke finally had the courage to break it.

"Fenris," She croaked out, "Today has been a day I would rather forget. First, I was sick with worry when you tell of me of Hadriana, so I drop everything to help you. And then after it all, you just leave me there in that horrible place. Even when I called out to you. When I knew that you needed me, you just left. And then Merrill... Merrill was almost dead in Avelines arms. I can't get her empty, pale face out of my head. She was so close. So close. She nearly died helping me. Helping _you_. And I miss Bethany. I miss her so much, Fenris. I haven't slept properly since she left, I can't eat. My life is missing her disapproving little smile in that chair." The tears started pouring, and Hawke struggled to see through them, smearing her sleeve across her eyes.

"And you say that she is tainted. That magic ruined her. That magic destroyed my sister, my father. The most important people in my life. And I'm lonely. This house is too big and I'm alone all the time and I can't take it anymore. And I'm tired. I'm so, so tired. I just want to sleep. And I just want you leave, please. Just leave," Hawkes voice cracked and she looked away from him, just pointing to the door while trying to gain some composure.

Fenris stood.

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, I will not leave."

Hawke scoffed, wiping her eyes, "This isn't one of those funny little back-and-forth things we do. You need to _get out_ of my house."

"I won't. Not until you have heard what I need to say."

"I swear to Andraste, Fenris, get out of my house."

"I will not move."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" Hawke screamed, tears flying through the air as her face was taken over by incredible pain and sadness. She fell to the bench behind her and just cried. And cried. Releasing everything, after holding it in for so long felt gratifying. She would normally be kicking herself for being so pathetic, but she just didn't care at that moment. She just needed to cry.

Fenris moved across the room and sat next to her, taking her hand, which she held tightly until her sobbing slowed and she moved closer to him. He allowed her to rest her head in the nook of his neck until she calmed down, and they sat like that for what seemed like hours. Just holding each other and breathing.

"I'm sorry, Ophelia," Fenris muttered into her soft hair, "I should not have taken my anger out on you. I thought I could control it, but this... Hate is overwhelming. I could not see Hadriana and not be reminded of everything that had happened, of what she would inflict on me. I... I feel as if I am never truly free. But you did not deserve those words. I am sorry."

"I know. Thank you."

Fenris pulled himself suddenly away from Hawke, releasing her hand and standing. He seemed uncomfortable.

"Uh, are you okay?" Hawke said, confused.

"Yes. I am just not used to being so..."

"Pathetic?" Hawke offered.

"That... Would be a word for it."

"Ah yes, the familiar shame. I know it well. But being pathetic has its benefits I've found, I can cry for far too long and people will _actually _comfort me! It's rather ingenious."

Fenris coughed a laugh, "Somehow I don't see myself crying, Hawke."

"Now that you mention it, that would be very weird. Don't cry."

A quick smile danced across Fenris' lips and Hawke couldn't help but grin goofily back, completely besotted. Which she hated, but honestly couldn't care less while he looked at her in that way.

He nodded and angled himself towards the door, "Right, well, good night Hawke."

If Hawke had a mouthful of water at that moment, she would have spat it out across the room.

"Are you actually serious, Fenris?"

"I have said what I needed..."

"No. You're not leaving."

"I distinctly remember you screeching at me to leave not too long ago."

"That was then, this is now. You can't possibly expect to leave for the night after that brilliantly breathtaking performance."

"Breathtaking what?"

"I honestly can't believe you're trying to make a runner."

"I am not 'making a runner.'"

"You fool," Hawke sighed, before saying quietly, "I want you to stay."

"I don't think that's a good idea Hawke."

"Just stay," She said, reaching out and touching his arm.

A bright glowing blue overcame him, as his lyrium tattoos coursed with energy. He grabbed Hawke and pushed her against the wall, none too lightly. He looked at her furiously as he held her there, but then his eyes focused on her face and the glowing faded. She stared into his eyes with surprise, but then the hint of a smile played upon her lips and she reached up and kissed him hard and fervently. The anger and passion that had been boiling under the surface in both of them was thrown into each grasp, each grope, each tongue flicking along lips. Hawke took Fenris and turned, pinning _him _against the wall, and he gasped against her lips before pulling her closer. He seemed to like Hawke rubbing against him, paying special attention to his lower half, and Hawke liked the sharp points of his armour digging into her flesh. Their warm breath mingled as their mouths opened to each other, chapped lips brushing and tongues swirling in each other's mouths. Fenris reached downwards and grasped Hawkes ass, pulling it upwards and bringing her to rub smoothly across his hardening groin, making both of them moan slightly. The red robe was being untied when Hawke stopped suddenly, looking behind her.

"I think I heard someone."

"I think you need to keep focused," Fenris gently nuzzled her neck, licking the place beneath her ear. Hawke shuddered with pleasure.

"Fenris... Oh gosh... Oh please, s-stop it. I heard someone," Tearing her head away and walking over to the lounge archway. She heard quick footsteps upstairs and a door shutting softly. Fenris came up behind her and slipped his hands around her waist.

"Who was it?" His hands were sliding down lower and Hawke slapped them, even though she liked where this was all going.

"Mother. Maker, if she saw anything I will go on a murderous rampage."

"I like it when you get murderous," Fenris growled in her ear. Hawke almost collapsed at that very moment, but instead decided to take him to the privacy of her room.

As soon as they entered, Fenris shut the door behind them and strode towards Hawke who was standing in front of the bed. His eyes were full of lust and hunger, leaving Hawke deliciously frightened at what he would do to her. He immediately ripped the robe from her body, throwing it across the room while kissing and gently biting her neck. Hawke, panting and gasping, reached over and began unbuckling his chest plate and spiked pauldrons. Her shaking fingers were slipping on the leather straps so Fenris pulled away roughly and began tearing at them in desperation, wanting to feel his skin against hers. The armour fell in a noisy heap on the floor, as did his gauntlets and belt. All that was left was his thick leather pants and vest. Both Hawke and Fenris paused for a moment, looking at each other and finally realising what they were actually doing.

"Well... Let's get to it then?" Hawke said, blushing, suddenly aware that she was only in her undergarments (while pushing her chest out a little more).

"Yes. I suppose we shall."

"I mean. You want to, right?"

Fenris looked at her steadily, his eyes flashing with desire. "For months I have wanted nothing more."

"Huh! Same here."

"I'm glad we agree."

"Yes. That's great! All decided then."

"Yes. Decided."

"Right. Okay."

Fenris looked amused now, his lips turning upward in a half smile which made Hawkes knees weak.

"You seem unsure," he said slowly.

"No, I'm definitely not. I just, can't really believe it's... Well... Happening, I suppose."

"This is unusual; hesitancy isn't usually your reaction to... Anything."

"Yes, yes, I'm a rip, shit and bust kinda girl. I know."

Fenris took a step closer and brushed her jaw line. Without the gauntlets, Hawke could see his fingers were long and slim, callused but soft.

"Why the sudden hesitation then?" He asked softly.

Hawke opened her mouth to answer, but the answer seemed too... Pathetic. That was becoming a favourite word of hers it seemed. Fenris raised his eyebrows at her lack of speech, and so he kissed her gently, hoping to pry the words from her mouth if need be. He then waited expectantly, clearly not going to pursue further until she had told him what was holding her back.

"Fine," She sighed. "I guess I just don't want this to be... Meaningless."

"You don't want to just 'rip, shit and bust' then?" Fenris smirked.

"That is a _revolting_ phrase in this context, don't ever say it again! ... But yes, basically," She looked ruefully at him. "But I mean, if that's what you want..."

"That is not what I want."

"It isn't?"

"Not in the slightest."

She replied back by putting her arms around the nape of his neck and kissing him fully on the lips. Their foreheads rested against each others for a moment before Fenris pulled away and began removing his vest. He did so slowly and carefully, making sure not to make eye contact. He seemed almost shy as his swirling tattoos were revealed, glowing against the golden light of the fireplace. Hawke ran her hands gently across one that passed down his chest and he shuddered.

"Do they hurt?"

"A little."

"Oh, sorry."

"It is not always an unpleasant pain."

Hawke moved her hand lower, following the largest lyrium vein to the waist of his pants.

"Hmm... I wonder what colour they are..."

"My underclothes?"

"Yes, I have a bet with Isabela," Hawke winked mischievously.

"Well, they will be staying on then."

"I joke! But I am curious." She peeked inside before Fenris has a chance to protest. She gasped and started grinning manically. Fenris pulled her hand away before pushing her onto the bed.

"Happy now?"

"I never would have guessed," She teases him, shuffling to the back of the bed as Fenris crawled onto the bed following her. "Isabela is going to love this!"

"You will not tell her a thing." He growls.

"But there is nothing _really _to tell! You go commando!"

"I go what?"

Hawke fell into fits of giggles, "Oh you are just too cute."

"You will regret saying that." He pulled himself onto her and held her hands to either side. The skin of his bare chest on hers seemed to tingle with heat and electricity. They kissed deeply and Hawkes legs opened so Fenris could fit his body snugly into hers. His bulge was pressed tightly against her panties, making them both gasp and writhe against each other. Fenris jerked her upwards, twisting his arms around her back and unclasping her bra. As it slipped away, he kissed her gently on the neck and brushed his fingers across her breasts.

"Es Pulchra, Ophelia." He whispered, laying her back down and lowering his head to quickly flick his tongue across her nipples. She sighed, the breath taken out of her.

"What does that mean?" She said breathlessly as his head came up to kiss her again.

"It means you are beautiful."

"Say it again." She whispered back pulling down his leather breeches, and throwing them to the floor.

"Es Pulchra." He said, low and gravelly into her ear, as he removed her panties and slipped his slender fingers deep into the warmth between her thighs. Her back arched as she moaned.

"Say it again," She said, voice uneven, her forehead slicked with sweat.

"Es Pulchra." He murmured, looking into her eyes before he raised his hips and entered her.

Hawkes eyes fluttered close as they moved together, their skin sliding, fingers pulling and scratching across spines, lips and breath a haze of warmth across bodies. Occasionally Fenris would still, gasping with eyes wide. Hawke would take his face in hers and calm him, unsure of what was happening, and every time he would return to her with a fervent kiss and gentle bite to the neck.

Finally after what seemed like hours, dripping with sweat, Hawke whimpered and shuddered against Fenris, eyes rolling back in ecstasy. A few seconds after, he followed, grunting against her chest and stilling. After a time he removed himself, but lay there on her as she stroked his hair and kissed the crown of his head.

"Tu es omnia mihi." He spoke softly against her skin, as if a secret. His eyes were heavy, he seemed to struggle to keep them open against the coming sleep.

"What does that mean?" Hawke prayed he could not feel her heart quicken.

"It means... You are my everything." And with that he closed his eyes and his breathing slowed.

The tears in Hawkes eyes stung and fell from her cheeks to rest upon Fenris' head.

"I love you," She whispered, hoping he had not heard from his dreams. She held him closer, and closed her eyes.


	8. Kyan and Tyler

Fenris watched Hawke as she lay in her bed, a small frown in her forehead. Her dreams seemed to trouble her, and she had been making small noises for a few minutes now. Watching her was making his decision even harder for him, seeing these sides to Hawke only hurt him further. Just as he could not take it any longer, Hawke gasped and her eyes shot open. When she realised where she was, her breathing slowed and she reached across the bed for Fenris, before noticing that he stood beside the fire.

"You were having a bad dream?"

"Yes. They tend to happen more often than not." She narrowed her eyes at him. "A far better question however would be why are you fully clothed and out of bed, instead of fully un-clothed and in bed with me? And _how_ did you get changed into armour so quietly? Mother always complains that I wake her up with the clanging in the morning."

Beneath the teasing, Fenris could see her bite her lip slightly, a sign she was worried. Reading minute signs in the way people moved or acted was something Fenris had to learn whilst being a slave for Danarius. It was far better to notice something was going awry _before _it happened and save the punishment. However he felt that in this case, a punishment would be well deserved.

"Last night..." He began.

"Oh great, this is the part you tell me I was awful."

"No, no it was fine."

Hawke looked away from him, hurt.

"No, that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have ever dreamed."

Hawke blushed, "Well back to my original question then."

Fenris couldn't say anything. He just looked to the floor, hoping not to catch sight of Hawke's face.

She could see he was uncomfortable. "Was it... The markings? I noticed that you seemed to be... Preoccupied in some moments."

"I began to have flashes," Fenris said, trying to focus on those dregs of memory. "They were of my life, before these markings, before I was a slave. They were too fast, and they left me as soon as I saw them." He began to pace, becoming frustrated with their reluctance to come forward, to show him anything of who he was before becoming the 'Little Wolf.' It made him sick inside, being so close to knowing something, and then having them ripped from his hands. It made him feel powerless, controlled, empty. He felt strangled by them.

"This is all too fast, I can't do this, I can't!" He said exasperated, shaking his head in anger.

"You can't do what? You can't be with me?" Hawke said, her voice rising slightly.

"You don't understand, to be so close and to have nothing. It is too much!" His heart was pounding, from both fury and hurt.

Hawke lowered her voice, begging with him. "Fenris, we can work through this, together."

"No. I can't... I can't." As if repeating those words would help him finalise his decision in his own mind. "I am sorry." He added quietly.

"What about what you said last night? Just before you fell asleep? Does that mean nothing to you?" She pleaded.

"I do not remember saying anything."

"Nothing? You did not hear me either?"

"No." He muttered, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. He did remember. Every moment of last night would be engrained into his mind until his last days. And on the edge of his memory he knew what Hawke had said back. And it killed him to lie to her. But holding onto those whispered promises would not help either of them.

He looked at her for a second longer so he would remember that look and torture himself with it always, and then he looked away. Hawke was silent for a while; all he could hear was her erratic, furious breathing. Eventually it slowed, and he looked to see her watching him, devoid of all emotion. She stood, walked to the wardrobe, covered herself in a robe and stood away from him.

"Fenris." Hawkes voice was quivering but firm. "You have hurt me for the last time. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to speak to you, hear you. I want nothing to do with you. You are nothing to me." She spat. There were no tears; her eyes were empty of any pain or anger. She was numb.

"But you still owe me a debt, a debt you will continue to pay with your sword. And that is the only time I will ever have use for you. You are nothing to me." Those repeated last five words pierced Fenris like a dagger.

Hawke moved to her desk, throwing a book at him that he managed to catch. It was old and tattered; there was a picture of a girl and a boy on the cover and a red piece of cloth was placed between the pages as a bookmark.

"There. It was the next book we were to learn. Enjoy. Now get the fuck out of my house, and don't ever come back." She said coldly, walking from the room.

Fenris' heart was beating out of his chest. He waited a while before leaving the room also. Looking around the landing he could not see her, and so he made his way downstairs.

Leandra stood from a chair in the lounge room and walked over to Fenris, stopping him before he could leave the Estate.

"You stayed the night then?" She queried.

"Yes," Fenris coughed.

"And yet my daughter leaves the room in the morning more upset than I have ever seen her before. What did you do to her?"

"We..."

"Broke up?"

"I do not know."

"I think you do." She said accusingly. "What is in your hand?"

"It is a book."

Leandra took it from his hand and looked over it. She opened the first page and looked incredibly sad for a moment before handing it back to him.

"Ophelia gave you this?"

"Yes."

"It is her favourite. She has had it since she was a child."

"I will leave it here then."

"No. It was a gift." She looked him over once more, shaking her head and looking disgusted. "Even after what it seems you have done to her, she still gives you that book. You do not deserve her." She walked away, heading in the direction of the study, where Ophelia seemed to have gone.

Fenris tried to hold down his anger, but he slammed the door of the Estate behind him and stalked his way back to his mansion. Anyone who saw him walking through Hightown that day hurried from his path, whispering and pointing.

He finally reached his mansion and ran upstairs, looking for a bottle of wine he had saved for an occasion such as this. He pulled out the cork and drank half the bottle in one go before throwing it across the room in rage. It wasn't enough, so he lifted and threw the table which shattered into pieces. The book Hawke had given him landed with a thud near his feet, it's cover ripped completely off now. He could see handwriting on the first page. He leant down and squinted at its scribbled form. Fenris had learnt enough in his reading sessions that he could just make the note out.

"_My lovely Ophelia,  
>I'm sorry we had to move again, I know you had friends there, my darling.<br>I want you to be happy. I know this is your favourite book, I saw you reading that copy that Sister gave you. I hope we could read it together sometime when you want to talk again.  
>Love forever and always,<br>Daddy."_

Fenris removed the red silk cloth from its pages, and took it with him as he sat on his bed. The book was placed on his bedside table, and he tied the silk around his right wrist.

He would never allow himself to forget what he had done that day. He would never forgive himself for hurting her.

He lay back and turned to the book. He lay there all night, and all the next day without ever taking his eyes off of it.


	9. Drinks and Feathers

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for being so patient! I've had a very busy holiday season, and this is the first time I can properly sit down and give the story some justice. It's an extra long chapter too, so the wait hasn't been in vain. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. It's been a challenge but very rewarding. Those reviews help me keep going, so keep them coming in if you have time :)  
><strong>**Hope you enjoy the newest chapter!**

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><p>Leandra paused a moment before entering the study. She heard an odd flapping noise, followed by a thump. She braced herself for whatever nonsense her daughter was conjuring up this time. Leandra understood the difficulty in which Ophelia coped with her emotions, preferring to lash out or bottle up whatever she was experiencing, and both of which are extremely unhealthy. The older woman took a deep breath and told herself to try her best to calm her daughter down.<p>

When she entered she found Hawke marching up the study stairs, grabbing a bunch of thin, colourful books sitting on one of the bookshelves, and throwing them one by one into the roaring fire.

"What in the Void are you doing?" Leandra cried out, racing over to try and save the books stacked on the table.

"Just some Solstice cleaning, I don't need these anymore so I thought I'd part with them," Hawke replied, throwing one of the books over Leandra and it landed perfectly in the fire.

"This is insane! These are children's books! If you don't want them anymore I can give them to the Chantry!"

"Somehow I doubt the Revered Mother would read 'Froggy Tales', Mother."

"The Sisters teach the children in Darktown to read, you silly girl. You bought these only a few weeks ago, I remember you coming back with them."

"Like I said, I don't need them anymore."

"Because of that elf?" Leandra said brusquely and Hawke stopped mid-march.

Hawke turned and looked away from her mother, trying to rein in her anger. "If I want to burn them and watch them shrivel in the flames, I will do so." She said, trying to keep her voice steady, nostrils flaring.

"You will do nothing of the sort!"

"Leave me Mother. Or so help me I will make you leave," Hawke's eyes flashed.

Leandra lifted her chin and looked Hawke directly in the eye. In a low, threatening voice she replied, "Don't you _dare_ speak to me like that. You may be angry, but I am your Mother and I will have your respect! Now sit down and stop being so pathetic. You will talk this out like a normal human being!"

Hawke's eyes widened for a moment, before crossing her arms stubbornly. Her mother gave her another look, and she reluctantly moved from the stairs and sat down.

Leandra pulled up another chair beside her and took her hand which lay stiff in hers. "I'm sorry I had to put on the angry Mum voice. But sometimes it is the only thing that snaps you out of it." Hawke huffed a little before looking slightly ashamed, and Leandra squeezed her hand.

"I know we often don't talk," She continued quietly, "But I want to know what you're going through. You're not alone, my darling."

Hawke's mouth stayed in a tight line and she avoided eye contact.

Leandra sighed. "Oh you will hate this, but you are so very much like Carver sometimes –" Hawke looked affronted, "– Yes, both stubborn as a mule. Neither one of you could agree on anything other than that you both like swords and play-fighting. Or real fighting in the end I suppose."

"As soon as you found out Bethany had magic in her blood when she was seven, you cut off all your beautiful hair. Do you remember that? I nearly cried! And Carver made that hideous doll out of your hair and he used it to taunt you with. You said you couldn't be a girl anymore because you had to be tough to look after your baby sister," She smiled, remembering. "And you picked up your first wooden sword at four years old, and were beating boys twice your age at six. You were always different from other little girls, and your father adored you for it. He always said you would grow up to be a brave, determined woman, just like your mother."

"You never played with any of girls from the town, always boys, even though they bullied you. Remember that time that Alyn boy said you were ugly? You told your father, trying not to cry and saying you would show him. And the next day he just happened to find his lovely braided blonde hair on the floor and bright blue dye all over his face. He didn't annoy you after that did he?" Hawke smiled slightly, remembering her glee in seeing that blonde brat walking through the village going purple through a mixture of the dye and embarrassment.

"You were a late bloomer too. Must have been all that running around and fighting. You were seventeen and one day you seemed to just wake up with the famous Amell chest. The boys definitely didn't bully you after that, did they?"

"No. They seemed to hang around a lot more actually."

"I wonder why..."

"Well Bethany was never too far away, she was always the pretty one."

"You don't give yourself enough credit! Those boys were after you."

Hawke snorted, "Oh, yeah, definitely, the girl with the short hair, angry face, muscles and huge sword. I was raking them in."

Leandra looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. "Is that what you truly think?"

Hawke sighed, "I don't know."

"That Alyn boy and you ended up having a thing didn't you?"

"How do you know that!"

"I'm a mother, not an idiot. We know these things. I hope he was kind to you, he never seemed all that... nice."

"Hmph. Old habits seemed to die hard with him. He was a _great_ guy in the end alright."

Her mother looked at her sadly, "Then why would you waste your time?"

Hawke was quiet for a time. "I suppose it was nice for someone to finally notice me."

"You are worth so much more than that Ophelia."

"I know, I know. I learnt my lesson trust me," Hawke seemed to relax more into the conversation as Leandra looked at her with such care. "I didn't open up to anyone again until... Until him I suppose."

"Fenris?"

Her eyes clouded over, "Yes. Fenris. Shame on me for being fooled twice huh?"

Leandra grasped her hands tightly, "Shame on him, Ophelia. He has let the greatest thing that ever happened to him slip from his fingers. You deserve someone that will stand beside you through every obstacle. Just as I did for your father, and he did for me. It was not easy, but we pulled through and it was worth every heartache we endured. Perhaps he is just not the one for you."

Hawke looked up at her mother, eyes red and shining, "He was in pain, and I hurt him even more. He hurt me, and I hurt him. I guess that's not fair for either of us..." As she said it her heart ached from trying to disengage herself from everything that held her to him. She tried and failed. She would have to let it fade to a dull throb and move on.

"Ophelia, I want you to be happy. And you deserve to be happy. You are beautiful and loyal and loving to those who share your heart. You may have cut your hair off and battled with swords, but I know you're much more than that." Leandra wiped a tear away that she had shared on behalf of her broken daughter. If Hawke wouldn't then Leandra would for both of them. For all the pain they had both suffered.

A knock from the door into the lounge interrupted them. Leandra and Hawke straightened themselves and Bodahn poked his head through.

"Messere Hawke, Isabela is here. She says you were to meet today."

"Oh right, yes," Hawke stood and rubbed her eyes. Leandra stood also and helped flatten her daughter's hair and straighten her collar. Her hands rested upon her shoulders and they looked at each other.

"I will take those books to the Chantry for you, my darling. You will get through this, I know it." And she placed a kiss on her cheek before holding her in a hug that Hawke returned tightly.

"I love you Mum," she said, before breathing deeply and stepping out to meet her friend.

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><p>Isabela stood by the fire, a small distance from Ser Biscuit who was staring forlornly up at her.<p>

"Just pet him," Hawke said, entering the room confidently, all of the emotions from the last ten minutes wiped clean from her smirking face.

"There's something too... Human about this dog. I don't know if I can trust him,' She replied, holding a tentative hand out towards Ser Biscuit, who pushed his head against it.

"Mabari's are said to be able to speak the common tongue, yet intelligent enough to choose not to speak. So I can see why you may be wary, you always do prefer the last word, wouldn't want someone challenging you."

"Maybe _that's _what it is," Isabela flourished the air with a pointed finger and a wink to which Hawke smiled. It was good to forget what had taken place and just be carefree with her friend.

"Anyway, you promised me we would go shopping today. You said you were going to buy me something!" Isabela couldn't hold in her excitement.

"Oh yes, that's right," Hawke scratched her chin, "I was going to get you a chastity belt. Would you like that?"

"Actually, I heard it started with an 'H' and ended with an 'at', thank you very much."

"Hot-cat?"

"No."

"Hitting-bat?"

"No!"

"Hhh-umming-mat?"

"Hat!"

"Ahh a hat! You wanted that one I saw which had a two foot tall pink tree atop it, accessorised with small yellow birds?"

"I'd rather cut out my own eyes than see myself wearing such a thing."

"I think it would look rather dashing on you." Hawke's eyes glazed over slightly and her head tilted upwards.

"I'm going to have to slap you if you don't stop that 'mind theatre' thing you do."

"Oh Isabela, my pirate queen, you know me too well." Hawke bowed with a flourish before holding out her elbow. "Shall we walk?"

* * *

><p>Isabela placed her new hat upon her lightly curled hair and preened herself in the mirror of the shop. It was a rather large and elaborately decorated tricorne, with two large peacock feathers rising from deep black velvet. It was a little too much in Hawke's opinion but Isabela insisted that a captain must always have a hat as fine as their boat. Hawke didn't mention that Isabela didn't actually <em>have <em>a boat, and was not technically a captain anymore, but she humoured her. Anything to get out of that feathery, glittery shop. After paying, Hawke waited, leaning on her sword and yawning pointedly.

"It wouldn't hurt if you tried to dress yourself up a little too, you know," Isabela said while puckering her lips to her own reflection. "You're a gorgeous woman, but you could really pull in the crowds with a bit of eyeliner or sexy dress."

"The day I wear a dress will be the day I throw myself onto a pyre."

"Well then, just eyeliner. And a bit of blush. Are you adverse perhaps a tight fitting blouse? Low cut?"

"Isabela..."

"I know, I know. But you could be the hottest thing in Hightown – I have the rights on Lowtown by the way – even with the tattoo."

"What's wrong with the tattoo?" Hawke touched the lightly faded design that curled around her right eye. It was an impulsive decision not too long after her father died, but it reminded her of him every time she looked in the mirror. "It's not that obvious is it?"

"No, not really, but it does make you look a little..."

"Intimidating?"

"I was going to say different. Is intimidating that the look you were going for?" Isabela lead Hawke outside, decidedly happy with the hat.

"Not particularly. Well, okay a little."

"You're too pretty to look that intimidating. Look at Merrill, her tattoos aren't intimidating at all. She just looks like a cute striped squirrel or something. Or Fenris. Okay, he was a bad example, those tattoos are _very _intimidating. And yet so, so sexy. I've always wondered if he had any on his –"

Hawke coughed and turned quickly towards a table full of cheeses, looking intently at each one. Isabela narrowed her eyes and smiled.

"Ah ha. What's happened?"

"Nothing."

"Yes. Yes. Of course. Nothing... I was thinking, let's go to the Hanged Man and grab a few drinks!"

"I know what you're doing Isabela, I'm not getting drunk so you can weasel something out of me."

"But I have a feeling you really need to get drunk for therapeutic reasons. You've been slightly off all day."

"Maybe it's the two hours we spend in that horrible shop!"

"I saw you eyeing up that robin's egg blue hat in the corner."

"Well, I thought it would go well with my eyes."

"You were right. And I am also right, we need to drink!"

Hawke sighed. She was kind of surprised she didn't break out the whisky as soon as Fenris had left actually and forgetting what had happened _would _be a welcome break.

"Yes?" Isabela bounced a little.

Hawke ignored her enthusiasm and marched towards the Hanged Man.

* * *

><p>"And then... And then he just left? Like, just walked out. N-not another word?"<p>

"Yeeeeup," Hawke tipped her cup towards Isabela, sloshing some off the side. "He's a real asshole sometimes you know. I mean, he broke my heart. That bastard. He just left! Left!"

"All mmmen are bastards, Hawke. You let them into your life, and they fuck you over. Ev-Every time! At least you got some good sex beforehand! Ha! He _literally _fucked you over! HA! Get it?"

"Izzy, did you know you're like, like, the first person I told this to. Like, Mum doesn't count because she already knew 'cause she lives there. But like, you are my best friend. And like, I trust you 'cause you know this stuff."

"I'm seriously your best friend? What about Aveline? Or Merrill?"

"Aveline is my big sister. And Merrill's my other little sister. But you're my best friend. I have a lot of sisters huh!"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"You're my best friend too."

"Really?"

"Yes. Totally. But it's a shame because I would _totally _do you. But we are friends so I can't."

"_Izzy."_

"Why are you whispering?"

"I have a secret."

"Tell me!"

"_I would totally do you too, if we weren't best friends."_

"We should stop being best friends for one night Ophelia!"

"You're so funny Izzy. You're so funny!"

"Psht, fine then. The deal is off the table!"

"What should I doooo Izzy?"

"What?"

"With Fenris!"

"Oh. You should make him JEALOUS. He's a real jealous t-type. He'd totally be slapping himself if you pretended to be with someone else!"

"Really?"

"Oh definitely. Here have another fill up, and we'll figure something out."

* * *

><p>"Ladies? Are you okay?"<p>

Hawke lifted her head from the hard surface it had been resting on. She rubbed her eyes and looked around; it was still Varrics suite in the Hanged Man but moonlight shone through the high windows.

"What time is it?"

"An hour past sunset," Varric said amused, watching the two women look around confused. "When did you get here?"

"Just before noon. Maker! How long were we out for! 4 hours?"

Isabela looked around the table at the collection of empty jugs. "Around that, if I'm looking at the cup count. I can't believe we just went to sleep. I think I distinctly remember a suggestion for Strip Wicked Grace."

"Maybe you two need to go to an actual bed for the night," the dwarf removed the large hat from Hawke's head and placed it upon Isabela's, who was wearing Hawke's gauntlets.

"Are you inviting us to stay, you kinky little man?"

"I have enough company for the night, thank you Rivaini," he tapped the crossbow on his shoulder.

"Bianca is a lucky bitch," Isabela sighed and turned to Hawke. "Feeling better then?"

"Apart from the room spinning and a growing headache? I feel marginally better actually. Needed to blow off some steam I suppose."

"Glad I could help," Isabela winked.

Heavy steps were heard coming up the stairs in the hallway and a few seconds later Fenris strode in. His eyes were fixed upon Varric, but they quickly flickered towards Hawke and Isabela. He seemed to hesitate, a frown forming as he looked away from Hawke.

"Oh, Fenris, you're here early," Varric interrupted the moment, clearly sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere. "I sent to tell you about what I got back from some reports. Mind coming around the corner?"

They disappeared into Varric's quarters and Isabela spun towards Hawke with wide eyes.

"Awkwwarddd. How are you doing?"

"Fine. Fine." The knot in Hawke's stomach and the urge to punch something said otherwise.

"I can tell from that strained look on your face," Isabela smirked. "What was that red tie on his wrist? Did you see?"

"Red? You're sure?"

"Yes, it was rather bright in contrast with his demeanour."

"I... I think that's a bookmark from a book I gave him. It was part of my father's old circle robes, from the collar. I just used it as a place holder in books."

"You mean Fenris is wearing mage material?"

"Actually, yes. I feel like I should end with a punch line..."

"Oh that is too perfect. Too perfect. Fenris with a mage token. I love it."

"I wonder why he's wearing it."

"Maybe it's some _other _kind of token, my sweet Ophelia," Isabela waggled her eyebrows and Hawke rolled her eyes in response.

"Somehow I doubt it. He doesn't seem the type for romantic gestures. Let alone ones come far too late."

"Well let's try our plan!"

"Plan?"

"Make him jealous! Play along okay?"

After a few minutes Fenris and Varric returned. Isabela was sitting unusually close to Hawke and stroking her arm, she said something quietly in her ear and Hawke giggled. Varric raised his eyebrows and subtlety pinched himself.

"I'll be leaving then," Fenris said brusquely and stormed out of the room.

Hawke and Isabela burst into laughter and broke away from each other's increasing embrace.

"What in Andrastes name were you two doing?" Varric laughed.

"Just messing around. We definitely got the reaction we were looking for," Isabela reached up and got a high-five from Hawke.

"It seemed reasonably possible until Hawke giggled. That was just weird."

"I can be happy Varric!"

Varric just looked at her.

"Well, maybe not _giggly _happy... Yeah that was definitely a little too much." She stood. "I'm going to get some water before I pass out." Isabela said something about the impossibility of finding water in the Hanged Man, but Hawke walked out anyway. She needed a little space to breathe and think about the red cloth tied at Fenris's wrist. It panicked her that it may be some kind of gesture, she didn't want to think about him at all really.

As she walked down the darkened stairs a figure appeared to her right. She pulled out a small dagger from her waist, pinning it to their neck before the figure had time to take single breath. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and the quick rasps of breath were familiar to her.

"Fenris? What in the void are you doing? Do you have a death wish? You don't just appear beside someone who could kill you without realising!"

"I apologise, did I startle you?"

Hawke tried to calm her heart, whether it was fright or the sight of Fenris's face before hers, she could not tell.

"What do you want?" She said coldly before making herself look away.

"What was taking place before?"

"Huh?"

"Between you and Isabela. What were you doing?"

"What does it matter?" Hawke was silently pleased with his quick reaction to their act.

"She is... Well known in these parts."

"And?"

"It wouldn't be... Prudent. Especially as it was only last night –"

"Oh I'm sorry, are we setting standards for relationships now? I don't think you're one to judge actually," She spat, growing angrier by the second.

"Fine." Fenris growled, turning from her. She grabbed his wrist and he swung back, glowing.

"What is this?" Hawke demanded as she touched the satin.

"It is... Nothing."

"Right. Of course. You seem to have a small memory for things you have done, or _said _for that matter."

Fenris's face seemed ashamed for the slightest of moments and his fingers twitched towards her hand, before he turned and walked out into Lowtown.

Hawke suddenly couldn't breathe and she slid down the wall onto the grimy stairs as she tried to suck in air sharply and quickly. Her hands were shaking and she punched the wall in frustration. Isabela appeared at the landing, moving to sit beside her and place an arm around her shoulders.

"You'll get through this," She whispered, resting her head on Hawke's shoulder. It was such a nice gesture that Hawke decided to ignore the peacock feathers tickling her nose.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review<strong>** if you have the time :) I have an art commission featuring Ophelia Hawke and Fenris coming up, I will post the link when I receive it!**

**And to answer 'sexy midnight miko's' question/review, to tell you would ruin the story ;) but you have a point, as it currently follows Hawke and her relationship with Fenris at the moment. So I will change characters for the time being. Thanks for the review :D**


	10. Justice

**Hi all! I hope you are all doing well :)  
><strong>**Just want to say THANK YOU for alerting/favourite-ing/reviewing this story. It seriously makes my day every time a little note shows up in my email letting me know of a new reader. You are all too kind, and I am very lucky.  
>This chapter and the one after is dedicated to Wynterkiss, who is my first FF buddy and such a wonderfully kind person. She has reviewed my work and gives me such thoughtful tipsadvice/compliments on my work. Thank you :) She has her own fiction starring Hawke and Anders, and it's really lovely. Check it out :3**

**ALSO, exciting news. I have received the commission of Fenris and Ophelia from the talented Jakface on tumblr! If you search my tumblr (of the same name as mine here in FF) and check out the archives, it will be a few posts in :) (I would post the link, but FF no likey!)  
>Or you can private message me and I will forward you the link! <strong>

**And just so you know, I will never give up on this story. It WILL be finished. I physically could not stop telling Ophelia's story. There may be some pauses, but never a sudden loss. I owe that to my readers.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter :) **

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><p>After that night, Hawke made the firm decision to take charge and forget about Fenris. When she just happened to see him in the Chantry when she was visiting Sebastian, she smiled politely and excused herself until they were finished. She MAY have kicked over a few melting candles while she waited, making the Sisters gasp and block her from the ones remaining, but otherwise she was doing fine. She was doing just fine. It was all just <em>dandy. <em>

The days passed. The normal Friday night card games continued, although Hawke and Fenris were conveniently skipping a week due to 'business' so neither of them turned up on the same night. The others were at first uncomfortable with the obvious empty chair, but it soon became somewhat normal for one to leave when the other appeared. In fact, a game was created where they would bet on the number of seconds it would take before Hawke and Fenris saw each other and which would flee the fastest. Merrill was unusually brilliant at guessing, making a small fortune for herself over the course of a few weeks ("I like to think it's a connection I have with people," She would chirp, while the others raised their eyebrows, clearly not sure that was the case),

Hawke kept busy. Sebastian needed some evil basement cleaned out, and Hawke had never seen so many skulls in her life. It completely baffled her ("Did they just start hacking the heads off anyone they saw? 'Oh hello Frank, how's your—AUUGGRRHH'"). Merrill needed some tooly thing for some evil mirror, and SURPRISE, they had to kill a giant monster first. Varric had found his evil brother and they cleaned out his evil house; the lyrium idol disappeared for what Hawke hoped for good.

Hawke was now leaning listlessly against the cold stone wall of the barracks outside Avelines office. She had just experienced the mess that was 'Aveline Tries to Flirt While I Kill Stuff' and had been hauled back to her office for some reprimanding. Then Donnic had entered and Hawke was waiting for whatever punishment awaited her when Donnic left his complaint and Aveline would be left furious. The minutes passed and City Guards walked past her with a raised eyebrow. "Just waiting to be beaten to a pulp by the Guard Captain. You know how it is," she said, and unsurprisingly they all nodded with knowing.

A giggle came from inside the closed office, followed by a low murmur and the scraping of chairs on stone.

Hawkes eyes widened and she looked at the door, astounded. "Oh you have seriously got to be kidding me. I'm just out here, you perverts!" She hissed through a crack in the door before storming off.

Typical. Even Aveline was getting some.

The warrior muttered darkly as she walked aimlessly towards the general direction of Lowtown. Halfway there she finally decided to go visit Anders and doubled back towards home to take the Hawke estate cellar passage to the clinic. As she walked into the entrance room she almost walked straight into Leandra who was leaving.

"Woah! Sorry, didn't see you there," Hawke dodged to the left, narrowly missing her shoulder armour to Leandras face.

"Oh, Ophelia dear. How did the thing with Aveline go?" Leandra held Hawkes hands gently in hers.

"Alright, I assume. I mean, it was a mess obviously. But Aveline is currently 'getting some' so mission accomplished."

"Far too much information, thank you," Leandra huffed. "I'm off to see your uncle, what are your plans?"

"I'm off to annoy Anders."

"I don't see him around much anymore; he used to use your study to write. I hope the clinic isn't too busy for him."

"You're too nice Mum. He's fine I'm sure, just doing his heroic job, you know how he is."

"Indeed I do. He's a _nice _boy. Reminds me of your father somewhat."

"Just because he's a mage doesn't mean he's fathers long lost twin, Mum."

"You should ask him for tea tonight."

"I should ask you to bugger off."

Leandra clucked. "That mouth of yours. I'll pretend that was said _with love,_ shall I?"

"Pretend all you wish, darling Mother." Hawke kissed her on the cheek and bid her goodbye.

"I love you, my dear!" Leandra called as she walked away through Hightown. Hawke was almost about to yell a reply, but a City Guard who was passing by stopped and stared at her with a wide mischievous grin. She narrowed her eyes, pointing to the large sword on her back and he promptly moved onward.

* * *

><p>The lamp was not lit outside Anders' Clinic. This was slightly unusual, as it was the afternoon and not evening. More unusual however was the hissing and murmurs that Hawke heard when she pressed her ear against the wooden door. As she turned to leave, her sword clonked against the door and she cursed her lack of sneaking skills. The noises went immediately silent. She could either try to continue to sneak off and be caught, or stand purposefully by the door as if she intended the interruption. The latter seemed more Hawke's 'style'.<p>

Suddenly a burst of blue light threw the door open and she staggered backwards into a corner hidden from the main Darktown passage. A glowing figure marched towards her, staff pointed menacingly.

"_WHO DARES TO THREATEN THE SANCTITY OF THIS CLINIC!" _A deep eerie voice boomed at her. She realised who it was at once.

"Justice. What a surprise. I think you've used that line before."

"_Do not play coy with me, traitor! You will pay for your injustices!"_

"Can I talk to Anders? You're a real asshole with little to no communication skills."

"_I am Anders, just as he is me. We speak as one, and we shall protect those who need our protection, no matter who it is that threatens them!"_

"I don't even know what you're going on about! I did nothing, you psycho ghost! Back off before I take matters into my own hands."

A bright light began to swirl around Anders, pulsing in energy. Hawke knew well enough of mages that she needed to do something fast. She drew her sword and in one quick motion thrust it against Anders' throat. The energy balked slightly and Hawke knew she had him.

"_You would not bring any harm to Anders. Kill me and you kill him."_

"A two for one special? Oh goodie! Two headaches gone for the price of one. I think I might take it."

"_I don't believe you are capable of such a thing."_

Hawke pushed the sword slightly harder against Anders' throat and a thin red line of blood appeared. "See, now that would be where you are wrong. I have this _thing._ I call it spontaneity, some call it impulsive, but most call it bat shit crazy. I'm sure you've seen me be_ spontaneous_ in the past. _I dare you to try me._"

Justice drew a breath and seemed to hesitate. But before Hawke knew what was happening, a huge force threw her off her feet and smashed her into the wall behind. Her sight blurred for a second before she saw the blue Anders step away and the glowing begin to dissipate.

"I'll see you in the fade, you demonic bastard!" She spat, blood dribbling from her lips and down her chin. Her tongue began to swell in her mouth; she had bitten it deeply in the confusion of the force push. There was almost a smirk on Justice/Anders' face before the light left, and the normal, slightly pale face of normal Anders replaced it. He looked close to collapsing before standing straight and taking a breath. His eyes found hers and he looked panicked.

"Hawke! Are you okay?"

She spat a glob of blood onto the floor and pushed her hair back. "Just dandy, thanks. Get out of my way." Her hands pushed him roughly aside and she stalked away from the clinic. Unfortunately he followed her, dodging into her path and blocking her way. Her fist tightened in anger.

"Funnily enough, I've had enough of your shit today Anders. Or whoever you are. Move."

"It was Justice wasn't it? I apologise Hawke, I'm so sorry. He was threatened and he thought you were a templar."

"And then he realised I wasn't and still thought it necessary to accuse me a traitor. What in the Void was going on in there?"

"Please, just come inside; let me check your wounds." He reached for her arm and she brushed him away, but walked back towards the clinic anyway.

When she entered, there was no one inside to explain the voices she had heard. It was completely empty. Anders closed the clinic door behind him and signalled to her to sit on a bed nearby. Grudgingly she followed and sat, crossing her arms and pouting. As pissed as she was, her tongue _really _fucking hurt. He reached out to hold his hands upon her head, to find the extent of the wounds but she shifted her head away.

"Tell me what was going on in here first."

"Ophelia, you're bleeding, just let me do this."

"TELL me."

"AFTER I have healed you. I refuse to explain myself to someone possibly suffering from a concussion. Please, this is my fault. Just let me heal you." His eyes were upset as he pleaded with her. Hawke grinded her teeth and moved her head over.

"Do any of that weird healing shit again, and I'll make sure I truly slit your neck this time." Anders smirked and then looked puzzled, before reaching to his neck and feeling the line of light blood that had gathered there.

"Wow. I didn't even feel that. Odd." He ignored it and placed his hands on Hawkes head and she felt a slight shudder of warmth pass down her body before the aching in her mouth stopped. She spat a final blob of blood out and stood up.

"Right. Explain yourself. Who was in here?"

Anders looked determinedly at her. "They were mages."

"Ah, explains the disappearing act. And the templar shit. Carry on."

"We were... discussing some plans."

"Do you have your own merry band of mage misfits that I don't know of?"

Anders tensed, "This isn't a joke, Hawke. People's lives are in danger as we speak. They are helping me save mages from the brutality of the Gallows and its Templars." Hawke rolled her eyes at his dramatic tone, which seemed to anger Anders even further.

"Why do you not understand!" He began pacing. "I thought you of all people, with your father and Bethany, that YOU would want to help the plight of the mages in this city! Why are you so indifferent to their suffering?"

Hawke hadn't seen the blonde mage so angry before, and hints of blue began to light up across his body.

"Woah, woah Anders, let's just calm down. You're getting all glowy again."

"I will NOT calm down, when a twisted man like Ser Alrik is making innocent mages tranquil!"

"He's what?"

"He calls it the Tranquil Solution, and he plans to make all mages tranquil to remove their 'danger'. I will not let him get away with this. He will _die for such injustices_." The final words grew into the timbre of Justice's voice, but the glow faded and Anders returned to normal. Thank the Maker, Hawke thought.

"Okay, deep breath. Let's discuss this calmly. These mages you had in here, they were to help you kill Ser Alrik?"

"We know of a passage leading to the Gallows. I plan on finding evidence of the Tranquil Solution and showing Gland Cleric Elthina so she will be forced to take a side."

"You were going to take a group of mages... To the Gallows? Which are full of templars?

"Yes. But the risk is worth the outcome if it means I can save mages from a fate worse than death!"

Hawke sighed. "I don't mean to go all 'warrior' on you, but that's the most stupid idea I've ever heard." Anders looked incredulously at her but she continued. "Mages and a bunch of templars; templars who can affect your magic? You'd be setting yourself up for slaughter, or to join the ranks of this solution. I can't believe you didn't think to ask me."

"As I said Hawke, you seem indifferent to such purposes."

"I loathe getting involved Anders. Being noticed means putting everyone I know and love in danger. The more I get involved, the more I am a threat," She paused, looking directly into Anders eyes. "But I will always support my friends. Not matter what they ask of me. I thought you would know that by now. I would walk to the edge of Thedas for you or anyone that I cared for."

Anders seemed slightly ashamed. "Well then, so you would help stop Ser Alrick and his Tranquil Solution?"

"Say Tranquil Solution one more time, and not only will I leave, but I will throw you out the window beforehand."

He smiled, "Thank you Ophelia."

"I'll collect my merry band of misfits by blowing that horn so perfectly placed outside your clinic, shall I?"

As she walked away, a pang of worry hit her. Anders was unusually unbalanced today. His usual good-humoured attitude had slipped away twice beneath the possession of Justice. If he lost control of that part of himself again, what should Hawke do? Would it only get worse? He had seemed more and more occupied as of late; even Varric noted that he hadn't seen Anders half as much as he normally would.

She pushed those thoughts away and summoned Aveline and Varric. Perhaps a bit of templar slaughter could ease her mind.


	11. A Change of Plans

**Hope you enjoy the latest chapter (it's a... tad interesting). Again, much thanks to Wynterkiss 3 And NoMadKa for her review! (You may like this chapter!)  
><strong>**By the way, no one proof reads or 'betas' my work, so if there are mistakes they will be edited the next time I read this (next few days). Bear with me :3**

* * *

><p>The last smuggler slid from Hawkes sword with a squelch and fell to the dirt, eyes open and blank. During battle Hawke never noticed the blood spray, screams and gory limbs that flew from their bodies. The frenzy of battle removed her from herself; the adrenaline kicked in and sang in her veins as she sliced her way through them in a kind of mad glee. It wasn't until the final enemy fell from her sword that she came back and realised what had taken place. But all she felt was a dull emptiness, cold and hollow in her chest. Even so, she made herself look into the eyes of her final foe and remember them. Defending herself or not, these people deserved the respect of a well fought battle. She smeared their blood from her face with a cloth hiding in her bust, she would burn it later.<p>

"How much longer do we have to go Varric?" Anders asked, blood free and walking from the back of the cave where he had been fighting from a distance.

"From your description of where the opening into the Gallows is- " Varric looked upwards and around the cave, "- I'd say we're almost here."

"It worries me that you know such details of a lyrium smuggling cave, Varric." Aveline eyed him suspiciously, sheathing her sword and turning to keep watch of the area.

"Aw Aveline, I'm hurt. I only do honourable work, I promise." Varric smirked, leading them onwards. "I like to think I have a tiny bit of stone sense left in me. But it was probably just that small scratching in the cave wall there. The one that says 'Gallows' with an arrow." Hawke sniggered and Aveline shot her a look, but Anders interrupted their soon to be squabble.

"Look, if you want to joke around just leave. I will do this with or without you lot." He huffed, striding away into the tunnel. The Guard Captain raised her eyebrow to Hawke. Hawke gave her a 'don't ask' look.

They walked carefully through the final few tunnels, aware that more smugglers could appear from their presence. Quietly at first, but growing stronger, was the sound of raised voices from a lit opening ahead. Anders signalled at them to sneak forwards against the wall, hoping to hear snippets of the conversation.

"Please! No! I didn't do anything!" A female begged, her sobbing voice clearly heard.

"You're lying!" A man snarled back.

"No! I just wanted to see my mother, please, don't make me tranquil! I'll go back to the Circle!"

"There is no hope for a lying, untrustworthy mage like you. You are a danger and will be treated as such."

Anders face turned to Hawke and the fissures of blue began to pulse. He shook his head, muttering, trying to control the light. They moved closer to the entrance, Aveline and Hawke flanking Anders, with Varric behind them to shoot from a distance. The scene unfolded before them. Templars gathered around a small, dark haired mage girl who cowered on the ground, sobbing into her hands. A bald, white bearded man stood over her, threatening her with the edge of his longsword.

"Is that Ser Alrik?" Hawke whispered to Anders. It was all he needed to lose control.

The brightness of Justices fury as he took over Anders' body blinded Hawke and her companions. They heard the eerie double timbre of his voice bellow across the cave.

"_You will never harm a mage again!" _And he immediately raised his staff and crashed it upon the ground. A huge swirling mass of fire rose above him and spread across the cave ceiling, where it fell in massive balls of flame onto the templars. One caught alight a began screaming horribly as his flesh melted under the searing heat of his metal armour.

The distraction of the first death allowed Hawke and Aveline to charge into the fray while Varric loosed arrows in quick succession from Bianca. The templars were well trained in combat, unlike most of the groups thieving foes, and soon Hawke was covered in sweat and blood, not sure if it was her own or someone elses. One templar parried with her for minutes until she found a weakness in the way he swung from his left and thrust her sword into his right rib. He gurgled and fell to his knees just as Aveline yelled to Hawke to turn around. She blocked the sword just in time and threw the new templar off balance letting her slice into his arm, removing it from his body. An arrow whistled through the air and pierced between her shoulder plates and Hawke held back a scream. Looking for the attacker, she found him and charged. He fell to his knees in fear and she swung downwards, her huge blade cutting through him like cheese. She swung around to see the final templar falling to Avelines hand.

Anders was standing over Ser Alrik whose blood was bubbling from his mouth and staining his beard, Varrics arrow protruding from his throat. He was dying slowly as the blood drained from his body. Hawke moved closer and crouched beside him, pulling out her dagger to make his death quick and the templar watched her with a pleading in his eyes that willed her to do it.

"_No_." Justice commanded. "_I want to watch him die."_

"That's twisted, even for you!" She ignored him, her instincts as a warrior telling her that every man deserved the mercy of a quick death. She lowered the dagger to Ser Alriks chest but Justice kicked her arm away, which made it fling backwards and twist her injured shoulder. She gasped as her vision swam in and out of focus. Aveline swore at Anders and Varric hurried to her, pulling her away from Anders to tend to her shoulder.

"_You fell at the hands of Justice for what you did. May the Maker curse you!" _Justice roared, and the light from Ser Alriks eyes faded. Justice immediately turned to the terrified young mage in the corner who had watched the battle.

"Demon!" She screamed, pointing at him in horror. "Stay away!"

"_You call me a demon? You must be one of them! I feel their power in you!"_

Hawke stepped forward, sensing danger. "Anders, this girl is a mage. You were trying to save her, you fool!"

"_No! She is one of them, she is one of the templars and she will not escape Justice!" _He raised his staff above the mage and the girl screamed.

Hawke had only a few seconds to react. She threw herself into Anders, smashing him sideways into a cave wall, his staff flying out of harms reach. "Run!" She called out to the mage girl, who took Avelines hand to rise and sprinted from the cave.

The blue had not yet resided, and Justice turned towards Hawke, enraged. She grabbed him by the collar and looked straight into those burning eyes.

"Anders, you're in there somewhere, so listen to me," She demanded. "You almost killed a mage! Someone you were trying to save! Come back to me."

"Please." Helplessly whispered its way into her mouth. The radiating light faltered and fell away, leaving a pale, shaking Anders in its place.

"What did I do?" He breathed, tears welling in his dark honey coloured eyes. Before she had time to reply and pushed himself upwards and ran from the cave.

"Why does this feel like the other time someone ran from me after something bad happened..." Hawke mumbled, walking back to where Aveline and Varric were surveying the scene.

"That was..." Aveline said.

"Fucked up?" Varric offered.

"Definitely." Hawke nodded.

"We need to keep an eye on him." Varric decided. "That's not going to get any better if my brother was any judgement of crazy."

That worried Hawke further but she didn't show it.

"I have no idea what I'm going to do with all this. It's my duty to tell my City Guard AND the templars AND the Viscount what took place here!" Aveline looked around at the dead templars strewn haphazardly around the cave.

"Let me take care of it Aveline." Varric patted her on the arm.

"What do you mean, 'take care of it'?" She growled.

"I mean, don't worry, you won't have to tell anyone."

"It's not a matter of not telling anyone, it's a matter of duty."

Hawke interrupted quietly. "Please Aveline. Pretend it never happened, just this once. For me."

The Guard Captain looked affronted for a moment, before taking a deep breath and nodding once. Hawke took her hand and squeezed it.

"Personally, I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight, let alone forget about it." Varric sighed and led them out of the tunnels.

* * *

><p>The moon sparkled on the dark Waking Sea below Darktown by the time they returned. It was all too peaceful for the agitation and worry Hawke felt inside. After sending Ella the mage away to find her mother, Varric and Aveline insisted on coming with Hawke into the Clinic, but she refused, telling them to get some rest. She felt guilty for bringing them into such a mess, and wanted to clear up the situation with Anders on her own. At least the note in her hand, taken from Ser Alriks dead body, felt like a welcome relief.<p>

Knocking on the door seemed like the prudent thing to do due to recent events. Hawke waited, her stomach twisting in knots out of frustration and anxiety.

"Hawke?" Anders voice was hoarse as he called from inside.

"Yeeup." Hawke replied.

"Come in."

He was in the corner of the clinic messing around with a chest and its contents. Hawke couldn't quite make out what he was muttering so she fake-coughed to interrupt. He stood and turned, looking down at the hard packed dirt of the floor.

"Here." Hawke said brusquely, pushing the note towards Anders. He took and read for some while before putting it into his coat pocket. "Aaand?" Hawke asked.

"It seems that Ser Alrik was acting alone. Elthina and Meredith wanted nothing of his Solution."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Perhaps I could talk to Elthina, yes. She may be more reasonable than I thought." Anders seemed to be preoccupied; the words coming from his mouth were merely sounds to fill the silence. Hawke twitched in the silence that followed. She had to do something.

"Right. We're going to sort your shit out." She walked over to a stretcher, sat on it, and pointed to one directly across from her. "Sit." Anders looked hesitant but followed her directions.

He sat, head in hands, rubbing his temples. Finally he looked at Hawke, the first time since she had entered.

"Is that... What's on your shoulder?"

Hawke tried to shuffle her body so he couldn't see, but he stood and walked over. Avelines bandana had been wrapped around her wounded shoulder and the blood had seeped into the burnt orange colour. Varric had removed the arrow skilfully, but it required some serious attention if it wasn't to be infected.

"Please, just leave it alone. Mother will tend to it tonight with some herbal remedies."

"You're being ridiculous, I'll heal it."

"No, just leave it."

"It could get infected, if you just let me –"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Hawke pushed him away roughly and Anders fell backwards into a post. A searing pain shot through her arm and she bit her lip until she felt the tang of iron on her tongue. They stood apart, panting. Anders pushed a strand of blonde hair from his face and looked heartbroken.

"I see." He muttered.

"I'm sorry Anders. I didn't mean to just snap."

"Yes, you did. You saw what I... was... and it disgusts you."

"I don't know what to think Anders. You nearly killed that girl. A mage, for Makers sake!"

"I know."

"Doesn't that scare you? What that... thing inside you could do?"

Anders was silent for a moment before looking directly into Hawke's eyes.

"I'm terrified." He whispered.

Before Hawke realised what she was doing, she had crossed the room and pulled Anders into a hug. He hesitated for a moment before collapsing into her, his shallow breath brushing against her neck. Hawkes heart was beating so fast she prayed he could not feel or hear it. She had no idea what she was doing, she had just moved and now she was holding him. It felt... Confusing. Her thoughts screamed at her to get out of there, but she stayed.

Anders pulled away gently and brushed her jaw line with her thumb.

"Thank you, Ophelia." He said, his breath warm against her face and smelling of mint.

Hawke was panicking as he looked down at her and slowly brought his face closer to hers. Their lips hovered so close for so long that a second felt like an eternity.

"I can't..." Hawke breathed, their lips moving closer still. She felt the insatiable need to run from the clinic and never look back. She needed to get out, before she did something stupid. Get out Hawke! Her mind screamed.

One more infinite moment – and then she pushed her lips against his. And in that moment her thoughts went silent.

They locked together, finding comfort in the taste of tongues running across lips and teeth. Their hands were frantic, moving and grasping, finding skin and hair, pulling and clutching. The tie that held Anders hair was taken out and a curtain of his fine strawberry blonde hair fell about his face. Hawke paused and pulled away.

"Your hair is long."

"Yes. It is," Anders smiled.

"It's longer than mine."

Anders stroked her hair. "Yes, it is huh. You look beautiful with short hair."

Hawke blushed and cursed herself for doing so. "Well, you also, look nice. With the hair. And things."

Anders laughed, "Are you always this awkward?"

"I can punch you instead?"

"Not necessary," Anders pulled her close again and kissed her lightly on the nose. Hawke readied herself for another round of making out but he didn't continue. Instead he narrowed his eyes.

"What?" She demanded.

"Can I heal you now?"

Hawke laughed and Anders looked as if that was the greatest thing he'd ever heard. She took his hand and sat them down on a stretcher so he could tend to her shoulder. They talked about silly stuff and serious stuff for an hour, and then Hawke kissed him goodbye for the night. He looked like he wanted her to stay, and she was tempted, but decided against it. It was finally starting to settle in and Hawke needed some to time to process what was going on.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.

"Maaaybe." She teased.

"Seriously though, can I see you tomorrow?"

Hawke just kissed him again and walked away, purposefully swaying her hips a little more than usual. She thought she heard him mutter 'Maker' and she grinned.


End file.
